For years, I’ve shared the idea of a personal board of directors. I struggle with the notion that one person can fill all of our needs as our lives and careers evolve. It creates frustration seeking a mythical person, and a burden on any potential mentor or advisor to have all the answers.
During coaching and mentoring conversations, when I reference a board of directors, it immediately appeals. The concept of a select few that we trust with no hesitation is enticing.
The board represents our advisors. The ones we go to with our doubts, fears, and fist pumping celebrations.
The reality is, we likely all have one or several people that we would say fill that definition. However, without defining what we need, how do we know whether our board is serving us? How do we know if it’s effective?
The purpose of the board
It feels good to be surrounded by people that love and value us. Those who will mirror back what we want to hear about ourselves, protect our feelings, and make it easy for us to show up “as we are.”
Ideally, we all have some family or friends that do this for us. Who aren’t overly critical, shaming, and/or trying to change us.
This is not the same thing as a board of directors. Imagine we are the CEO of our life. The board of directors is interested in helping us achieve long-term success. They stay out of the day-to-day, help identify trends, and provide guidance and coaching to us, the CEO.
So, while we may occasionally need someone that can hold our hand when we are in our feelings, the board’s primary purpose is to help move us forward.
Ensure diversity in your board
Once we’re clear on our purpose, we can fill the seats.
Likely there are already individuals serving in a board-like capacity. Who are the trusted individuals in our lives? Our go-to’s when things get tough? They are likely on our board and filling certain needs for us.
Taking a look around at the names and faces, what types of life and career perspectives do they offer? Do they all come from the same types of companies or roles? The same kind of upbringing? Or maybe they all look like us.
If our most trusted group all looks and sounds like us, they will have limits on how far they can help us move forward. Allowing others into our circle, and ultimately our board, who belong to different age, ability, socio-economic, gender, sexuality, race and ethnicity groups provide us with perspective we cannot get from homogeneity.
The other diversity we should be looking for is how our board shows up. The type of support they offer, energy, and style matters, as not every person is best suited to help with every situation we may encounter.
The board at work
Critical feedback is probably one of the toughest things we’ll face in our career. Our board is the group we turn to help us move through shame, fear, grief, and acceptance so we can create a healthy path forward.
Depending on the individuals on our board, some are better with helping us through feedback than others. Sometimes we want a cheerleader, who tells us we are awesome. However, we might need a coach or a realist.
To help move through the stages of denial and shock, to acceptance and learning, we will likely need talk to several board members at different times. Knowing the strengths of each member, and what we need given where we are, can help map a path of conversations.
Sometimes the board “seats” are held by different people. However, occasionally the same person can be counted on to begin in one place and then move on to another role when they think we are ready.
Here are some of the members of my board, and what I might receive as a reaction to sharing critical feedback.
Cheerleader
They did not say that! Forget them. You’re amazing.
We love this person. They are all about the affirmations and reminding us of our awesomeness.
Empath
Oh wow. That sounds rough. What do you need from me right now? How can I best help you?
This person helps us feel heard and supported.
Perspective Provider
Let’s put this in context of all the positive feedback you’ve received.
She or he will help pull us off the ledge.
Sympathizer
Sounds about right. I get feedback like that a lot. Strong women often do. I’ve learned to tune them out and turn me up.
This board member can help us feel understood and vindicated in the short term, until we’re ready to find learning in the feedback.
Director
You be you. If you change yourself for others, then someone’s going to criticize that version of you too. If it lands with 9 and you know your heart, the 10th is on them.
This board member helps remind us to be our authentic selves, which can get lost in trying to respond to feedback.
Coach
That sounds hurtful. And unfair, especially since I know <fill in the blank> about you. Where do you think it’s coming from?
Both an empath and problem solver, the coach can help balance feeling with rooting out issues.
Brand Manager
That’s harsh and sounds like a distorted version of your <full in the blank> quality. How do you address it head on and get ahead of the narrative?
Our brand manager reminds us of the stories that are being told, either to ourselves (inner dialogue) or in the world, and help us align them to our true story.
Realist
Well, it might be strong, but I don’t think it’s completely untrue. Given <full in the blank> that I’ve heard you say, I can see where it’s coming from.
This is the blunt board member. No sugar coating here…be prepared for harsh truths.
Feminist
Remember who you are! Would they tell a man this nonsense?
If we’re a woman getting in our feelings, this is the board member that will remind us to take no grief.
Lifelong Learner
What can you take or learn from this?
When it’s time for growth, this is the person that will help figure out what we can do with the feedback that’s meaningful and actionable.
The power of the board
Ultimately, our board is working for us if we have a solid group of individuals who support, challenge, and uplift us. They do this while helping us navigate and level up our lives and careers.
No matter whom we select, any board we build will fail if we don’t engage members with trust. It is the only non-negotiable. We may not trust each member with every thought, challenge, or idea, but there must be trust to allow them a seat.
That trust, as well as our own ability to be vulnerable and ask for guidance, creates a power that can propel us forward on our journey…wherever we may be headed.
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What other roles do you have on your personal board of directors? What role do you tend to play for the boards you are a member of? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
