If you’ve read my work over the years, you likely know that I’m a big Star Wars fan. You may not have guessed just how much I love the movies, but I’ll give you an idea.
When the newest video came out, Rise of Skywalker, I asked my friends how many times they thought I’d watch Episodes IV-IX during isolation. A friend said 14 and the challenge was on.
So far I’ve watched them 6 times each. That’s 36 Star Wars movies, mostly running in the background while I read, write, or do other things. In a way, it’s been comforting to have something well-known and loved nearby while I go about my day.
With that as background, it will explain why I got goosebumps during a coaching session Friday. I wasn’t coaching someone else, but it was during a session for me. That’s right, another thing I’m working on during this period is my own development. Apparently Star Wars style.
How I got here
For those not familiar, I changed jobs and relocated to the South about 18 months ago. Walked into a company where I didn’t know anyone, in an area where I know a few folks, but no one in my field.
The company has felt like a good fit. Welcoming. My particular style has been different, but generally appreciated, as diversity means more to them than what I look like or believe in. They value diversity of communication and thought as well. It’s refreshing.
Mostly.
There are some differences working in the South that may or may not be specific to the company. Cultural norms that feel like new ground after working “up North” for the last 16 years.
The biggest one is that folks will rarely tell you directly what’s going on. Conflict tends to be avoided. Which means you may have a problem and not realize it for a while.
I’m not used to that. At all.
Fortunately, I have help. I love working with a coach, as it’s been the best way in my career to get constructive and actionable feedback. DIRECT feedback, which is my favorite.
My Star Wars Moment
The coach has been working with me and my team on opportunities. Things that I may be able to do a little differently. Not change who I am or what I value, but adjustments that would make communication easier.
The FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) of any sort of change is that we will be changed. Maybe we aren’t valued, respected, or appreciated for who we are and somehow we have to be someone else in order to be accepted. Particularly in a new place.
I’ve given permission for the coach, who’s been in the south for quite some time, to be as direct as possible. That means she’s maybe not as careful, but that’s what I respond to best, even when it stings. Feedback is a gift, even if it doesn’t feel like it at first.
During our latest session, reviewing feedback from the team in preparation for a discussion about opportunities to move forward, her words gave me goosebumps.
“Kristin, you have everything you need,”
This is the same theme throughout the latest Star Wars trilogy. In every movie, there is a moment of FEAR, followed by this quote.
What we need
When we allow ourselves to be caught up in FEAR, we focus on what’s lacking. On the gap between where we are and where we desire to be, or on the negative of what could happen.
In each of the three new Star Wars movies, there’s a question as to whether the rebels can succeed with little hope, few supporters, and limited supplies.
Instead, turning it from a feeling of deficiency to abundance….
They are not alone. There are supporters who only need to be led. They have the force, a powerful weapon when used in the right hands. And they have hope. As long as hope lives, the war can be won.
My life isn’t a Star Wars movie, but that comment helped me get out of my own head. Out of a feeling of deficiency to abundance.
I have supporters, including friends, mentors, a coach, and a team that values who I am and how much I care. There are endless resources available if I find myself struggling with a particular piece of feedback and need to get help. And there’s hope. Always hope.
Channel your inner Jedi
It’s not easy to hear constructive feedback, but life and work are even more challenging when we’re not hearing it. We cannot be successful if we don’t know the impact we’re having, both good and challenging. The good to continue it and the challenging to adjust it.
We may start from a place of FEAR, assuming that somehow we are deficient. Maybe that we are not valued, do not belong, or must change in order to do so.
Instead, we must flip the narrative to one of abundance. We can choose to remember we have everything we need in order to take in the feedback, determine its relevance and meaning, and decide what – if anything –we want to do about it.
Whatever gaps may exist, there is either the power within us to address them, or we have resources available like advocates and helpers. Former managers and mentors, friends, and online communities. There are always those willing to help if we ask for it.
No matter the challenge, we only have to look within ourselves, be open to asking for help, and fuel our hope. Then we have everything we need.
