This may sound ridiculous, but I’ve been afraid to read Brené Brown’s work.

True story. I follow her on Instagram.  Absolutely loved her Netflix special and recently started listening to her podcast “Unlocking Us.”  

While I love listening to Brené’s stories, I still haven’t read her work.  Not a one.  Ironically, I own several of her books that sit unopened.  

One of my coworkers is a follower of Brené’s and has been through her coaching program.  A conversation doesn’t pass without some sort of BB reference, given her passion and my focus on vulnerability, which is also key to her work. 

I recently admitted that I have’t read any of her books and she wondered why.  I admitted it was because I’ve been afraid.

False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is a tricky thing.  It feels real.  Sometimes, instead of being real, it’s an illusion.  Something that manipulates us into living small.

Fears may be unspoken or unexamined.  They linger in the dark, influencing us, maybe unintentionally.

When we put them to the light and speak them aloud, we have a choice in our next steps.  We can confront them, accept them, bury them…the next action is ours to take once we’ve acknowledged the fear. 

I had no words for my fear at first.  I bought the books and put them on a shelf.  Every time I’d start to open one, I’d put it back.  Start something else.  Wasn’t sure why, as I didn’t recognize my driver as fear at the time. 

Avoidance is a strategy, I suppose.  But it’s usually based on a strong emotion.  In this case, fear.

Is there enough to go around?

Once I acknowledged and admitted to the fear, I had to name it.  What in the heck was I afraid of?  We’re talking about words on paper here, not anything life threatening.

But to me, it kind of seemed that way.  Threatening at least.

I write a lot about vulnerability.  Try my best to live by it.  And it’s also one of the major topics Brené writes about.

Jumping all in on vulnerability here, I was afraid someone might think my work is derivative.  That I’m the poor woman’s Brené Brown.  That my work is not original, but instead heavily influenced by hers.

So I never read her books.  If I never read them, I could honestly say every word I’ve ever written was my own and in no way influenced by her.

Here is this woman, a researcher and expert in her field.  I read soooooo many authors to gather additional perspective and fill my cup with inspiration.  To help me find words, patterns, and new tools to address the challenges I face daily as a practitioner and coach.

Yet I avoided the one person that has extensive research around the cornerstone of my leadership approach.

Crazy, huh?  Maybe not.  Too often, we have a scarcity mindset.  Believe that there is not enough to go around.  Whatever it is – recognition, pay, power, influence, love.  Doesn’t matter what, if someone else has it, somehow it means there’s less for us.

The Podcast that Changed my Perspective

I started listening to the Unlocking Us podcast in early May as a way to start addressing my fear.  And hallelujah, she’s just as amazing a story-teller as I both dreamed and feared.

It was in the second podcast, where she interviewed Tarana Burke, founder of the Me Too movement, that I was able to shift my perspective.

Tarana talked about her work in the early 2000’s with young women as part of a leadership development program. Many of these women were trauma survivors.  She had no evidence or data, but she came to believe that processing that trauma and overcoming shame was necessary for them to move forward as leaders.

Eventually, she met Brené and she called it a gift.  Brené’s work on shame proved what Tarana knew instinctively.  She received validation, and the supporting data, to prove what she knew to be true.

I did a (figurative) face palm.  

Fighting Fear with Reframing

Brené is a researcher.  She says it herself.  Through years of data gathering and research, she has been able to draw conclusions and share insights regarding vulnerability, shame, empathy, and other powerful human emotions. 

Her ability to research, generate meaningful insights, and make them accessible to the masses via storytelling is her superpower.

I am not a researcher, but a practitioner.  After reading “The Hero Within,” I identified with the Magician.  As someone that builds and transform teams from what is into what’s possible, it seemed to fit.

My superpower is the ability to see patterns in the chaos and anticipating the next sequence of the pattern to determine the best path forward.  Those patterns most frequently center around the rhythms of organizations and their people, including the motivations and emotions that influence their actions and reactions.

Listening to Tarana, it was obvious that one person’s superpower is not in competition with anyone else’s.  We each have our own magic, or gift, that we bring to the world.  We have a choice to see someone else’s gift as complementary to ours instead of competitive.

That’s the choice I made that day.  To decide that Brené’s work doesn’t debunk my magic.  She proves it’s real.

Next Steps

Through reframing, suddenly that false evidence didn’t appear very real anymore.

I’ve decided to honor my gifts by reading Brené’s work on vulnerability.  To see it as validation of what I know to be true, rather than a threat to it.  I also believe I can identify new insights and patterns, if I open myself to the possibility.

I have to imagine I have other unexamined fears that push me in one direction or another on any given day.  That we all do.  If we find ourselves continually avoiding something seemingly harmless or even beneficial, there may be an opportunity figure out why.

Next time you have an interest and regularly redirect or avoid focusing on it, take another look.  Putting the underlying motivation to the light of day and reframing the story you’re telling yourself could be the boost you need to get started.