Today was a good day.  I found myself smiling and connecting with people.  I’ve felt a bit detached the last few days, waiting for the “shoe to drop” and feel the big emotions associated with my son going out of town for a few weeks.

Out of the blue, someone I haven’t talked with in 20 years reached out.  We didn’t chat long, but it was great to reminisce about old stories with new perspectives, compare notes on the area we both now live in, and just connect for a few minutes during this interesting time.

Challenging days

We have a common connection, one I’m closer to.  When we started chatting about him, I realized I hadn’t checked in for a bit and immediately reached out.

So much had happened in a relatively short span of time!  As the words came through the interwebs, I began to hold my breath.

• The landlord decided to sell the house (the family is moving)
• My pipeline dried up (he’s self-employed and the sole provider)
• A potential job didn’t work out (he considered working for “the man” again)

The empathetic part of me began to ache for my friend as I processed each statement.  I was preparing to draw from my well and offer whatever support I could.

A different perspective

The strangest thing happened (maybe not so strange given this particular friend).  

He explained why each of these was moving him forward towards the next action he needs to take.

The family had been planning a relocation and kept putting it off.  He sees this as the universe forcing him to commit – either double down on where you are, or finally take the jump and go where you’re meant to be. 

The pipeline impact during COVID has made him crisp on his value proposition and messaging.  Increased his clarity on what matters and how to communicate it.

And that job?  Wasn’t a fit, potentially distracting him from doing what he loves and going where he’s been craving to go.  

My empathy, while still ready if needed, went back to the well.  Instead, admiration and fierce love for my warrior friend sprang forth.

Reevaluating challenges and obstacles

In that moment, I saw my own situation differently.

I have not yet “felt” my son leaving.  Others kept expecting me to have big emotions about it.  Hell, I’ve been expecting the same.

Maybe the work I’m doing in this space is why I’m not overwhelmed with big feelings.  I prepared for this.  I came at this with intention and purpose.  Maybe I’m feeling exactly what I’m supposed to be feeling and doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.

When my friend said “the pipeline dried up” and “the landlord is selling and we’re moving,” my immediate thought was “oh no.”  But in reality, for him, it was exactly what he needed to make the next right step.

I have been waiting to feel the “oh no” of this experience.  So have those around me.  But what if this is exactly what I need to make the next right step?  What if “oh no” is actually “oh yeah.”

The choices we make

There are real, deep, systemic, and sometimes grave challenges folks find themselves in.  That is truer than true.  

Often times, however, the obstacles in front of us are not those.  We MAKE them those.  We turn them into terrible things, but they are a choice.  One we can make every day in how we perceive them.

This moment – this thing being experienced – can be seen as an obstacle or as a redirection.  We can see it as a reason to fall apart, or as things falling together.

I was waiting to fall apart because of a potential big hurt, grief, sadness, and longing.  But what if this separation brings growth, healing, discovery, and a stronger relationship on the other side?

This is part of why I love my friend.  We don’t talk all the time, but every time we do, I have some sort of breakthrough.  Every damn time.  We both do, as we tend to lift each other up, challenge each other, call bullshit when needed, and generally just appreciate that we can call each other friend. 

With the most caring heart and positive intention

This is a tough time for many of us.  There are so many firsts, unknowns, relearnings and unlearnings…the list goes on.  Where possible, I’d challenge each of us to reframe the uncertainty and frustrations into opportunities to redirect.  To grow, learn, and move closer to our purpose.

If you’re not there yet, which is absolutely possible in this strange and unusual time, that’s okay too.  We are all trying our best to navigate the unknown and many are recovering from devastating financial and/or personal loss.  For some, getting through the day is a win.

I don’t ever share my experiences or encouragement in an effort to judge or shame.  Often, I don’t write in the midst of the suck.  I tend to wait until I’ve gotten to the other side (or at least think I have).  Hell, I didn’t write for 3 years because I was living a painful lie, refused to share that lie here, and then struggled to find my voice again.

We all struggle at times.  We also have moments where something clicks for us.  I feel called to share those moments just in case there’s someone out there, caught in the suck, who it will click for too.  Remember, for every moment I share that clicked, there’s dozens of sucky moments that didn’t. 

May the odds be ever in your favor of when your “clicks” happen.