Ah, commitment—a word that can either send shivers down your spine or fill you with a sense of purpose. It’s like that one friend who’s always there, whether you like it or not. As we journey through life, our relationship with commitment evolves, transforming from a childhood chore to a mastery of adulthood. As this progression unfolds, it shapes who we become.
As I watch my son transition from the last vestiges of childhood into becoming an adult, it’s commitment that I see him struggling with most. Where I find myself getting the most frustrated and worried about the choices he makes.
I have to remind myself that age is just a number. Being an adult isn’t about turning 18 or graduating from high school. Truly launching as an adult is when our relationship with commitments changes and the step I am regularly watching for.
Childhood: The Realm of Imposed Commitments
Picture yourself as a child, waking up to the sound of your parent’s voice urging you out of bed. In childhood, commitments are less about choice and more about compliance. You’re essentially a tiny soldier in the army of life, marching to the beat of someone else’s drum.
At this stage, your commitments are the things others deem important—clean your room, do your homework, don’t hit your sibling, and so on. That homework one…I am looking forward to no longer harping on that!
This phase is all about learning the ropes. You’re being trained in the art of showing up when you’re told, a skill that surprisingly comes in handy later in life. It’s not glamorous, but it’s foundational.
Childhood is where you first learn about responsibility, even if it’s wrapped in a package of chores and schoolwork. The commitments you make are often non-negotiable, dictated by parents, teachers, and society at large. The basics are a classic for a reason.
Adulthood: The Art of Reluctant Responsibility
Fast forward to adulthood, where you’re officially an adult not when you turn 18 or get a driver’s license, but when you get up even when you don’t want to, to meet commitments you’ve made to others. This stage is about embracing responsibilities that, quite frankly, you’d sometimes rather ignore.
Welcome to the real world, where snooze buttons are both a blessing and a curse. It’s not like suddenly there’s all these really cool things we are getting to do. Often they are the opposite, but we do them anyway, even if we’d rather hit snooze. Especially if we made poor choices about chasing the cool stuff and then need to get up the next day.
In adulthood, commitments often revolve around work, relationships, and societal expectations. They’re the things you’ve signed up for, whether it’s meeting a deadline at the office or attending your cousin’s wedding. These commitments are a testament to your maturity. They show you can prioritize others’ needs and meet obligations, even when the bed is calling your name. Especially then.
Winning Adulthood: The Rise of Self-Commitment
The pinnacle of adulthood – the gladiator arena – is where the true champions are those who lace up their shoes and face the day even when their bed whispers sweet nothings. Winning in adulthood isn’t about just ticking off to-do lists imposed by the world; it’s about honoring the promises you make to yourself.
Whether it’s dragging yourself to the gym at dawn or finally starting that novel you’ve been plotting, it’s these personal commitments that separate the casual adult from the bona fide grown-up. It’s the relentless pursuit of self-improvement, even when Netflix is serenading you with the next episode of your favorite show. This stage is all about choosing yourself, even when every fiber of your being is screaming for more sleep or another slice of cake.
But wait, there’s an even higher echelon of adulting—mastery. This is where you ascend to the throne of life’s chessboard, knowing which pieces to move and which to let rest. Mastered adulthood is about discerning which commitments actually matter and having the audacity to dismiss the rest. It’s not about doing more; it’s about doing what counts.
This is where you’ve sifted through the noise, focusing on the commitments that align with your values and life goals. It’s about crafting a life that’s not just busy, but meaningful. There’s so much noise and distraction, it’s next level adulting to crack the code and live by the mantra of meaningful commitments only.
Momlife with a launching teen
When I ponder my son’s journey to adulthood, I’m not looking for mastery at 17. Instead, I’m looking for the basics first. The world is filled with so much we’d rather be doing than homework and getting up early. I still struggle with homework for something I WANT to do! The lure of social media, video games, friends, parties…the list goes on.
The preparation began years ago. He does his own laundry, cleans his own spaces, and makes his own food. We set a budget for clothes and shop consignment almost exclusively. His paycheck will thank me later.
Life skills – knowing enough to not starve, not live in filth, or make a dollar stretch – are hopefully there. Smart choices about time management? Not so much. I remember fear and necessity pushing me into making adult choices before ambition kicked in. I also remember a few big stumbles along the way.
Maybe that’s the next big transition as a parent. No longer standing at the door yelling when the alarm hasn’t been set and it’s past time to leave for school. The day-to-day safety net will be gone, creating that situational necessity for growth. I’ve got to be willing for him to stumble so he can find his footing. Easy to say…harder to do when we know the cost of a stumble.
The next few months/years to true adulting will likely be a mix of joyful and challenging. There’s no guidebook for this journey. We’re all winging it the best we can and everyone’s path looks a little different. If you’ve found landmarks to look out for along the way, please share them in the comments.
