As a coach and mentor, there are often patterns to the kinds of topics that come up in discussions. Recently, I was talking with a new-ish leader. She was wondering if this latest challenge was too much and if she should go back to her old role.
It felt familiar. Very familiar. Too familiar.
I’m only one person with one set of life experiences. However, I’ve been at this for decades and interacted with a ton of leaders and aspiring leaders along the way. At the onset of my career, I only interacted with men. I worked for the military and in tech, so that’s not surprising.
In the last 15 years, I’ve made more of a concerted effort to engage with and help women navigate the challenges we tend to face in the workplace. I haven’t stopped helping men, but they tend to ask for help without hesitation. Again…lived experience here, but I’ve noticed women generally need to be invited.
So, with that as background, I started thinking about why this narrative felt familiar. Because in three decades, I’ve had one man question whether leadership was a right fit and decide to go back to being an individual contributor. I’ve met countless women considering a step back when faced with a new role or challenge.
I’m one of the ones that did.
Past patterns of change
When we are in a new role – either at work or at home – things are going to be bumpy. We are in the midst of change and do not yet have our feet under us. We need to navigate the “in-between” where we are not yet comfortably in the new but the old no longer fits.
It can be tempting to go back to what’s known. It’s the siren song, luring us to a time that we understood expectations and were successful. One that felt easier and more manageable.
In Greek mythology, the sirens lured sailors to crash on the rocks with their beautiful songs. Not to say that the siren’s lure to our old role may crash our careers (more on that later), but it certainly won’t help us navigate the choppy waters of change.
And nothing is more constant than change.
Instead of looking back with longing at an old role, we can look back on our successes. Consider past challenges. What did those early days feel like? What did it take for us to move from uncomfortable to comfortable?
In any new role, I think 6/6. The first 6 weeks are drinking through a firehouse. I’m focused on new frameworks for learning and sorting information. New relationships. Knowing where to go to fill gaps.
From there, I focus on 6 months. I start to see opportunities and challenges more clearly. Get past the surface level with new people. Better understand if there’s a true deficiency to address or fear to overcome.
The 6/6 approach is my timing from decades of experience. Looking at your own lived experience, maybe it’s 90 days and 9 months. Just don’t rush to self-evaluate or be lured by the siren.
Is the Siren lying or the song of truth?
We have a playbook for change. We’ve all been through it, whether we initiated the change or someone else did. None of us can stay static for long in the age of disruption.
The Siren plays on our fears but she may not be lying. How do we know?
Once we give it 6 months (or our individual time for clarity), we can look around and better evaluate whether this is a fit. Our own perspective may not be enough, however. There are some challenges that we have no playbook for. It might be time to get a coach or mentor to help provide context and additional clarity for our situation.
The women that have talked to me about returning to an old role, almost to a one, are struggling with the challenges of a new role and parenthood. Trying to do all the parenting things and work things in the course of a day or week may not feel achievable. Either one can be exhausting and make us wonder if we are cut out for what’s expected. We can’t quit parenting, but we can go back to a role we know.
The 6/6 approach gives us time to figure out our systems. If we engage a coach or mentor, they can help identify systems and support we might not know are available. Learn what others in our situation have done before. The Siren sows doubt and it can feel very isolating. Yet we’re almost never the first to experience a challenging situation.
By engaging others and talking openly of our doubts and fears, we can face them head on. Discover how to navigate the rocky waters ahead.
Ignoring my own advice
I didn’t follow any of that advice when I found myself a new mom. I was struggling to see a positive future ahead. My manager was a mom being pulled into conference calls on nights and weekends. She was burning out and I was her succession plan. I panicked at the idea of doing her role as a parent.
The rulebook went out the window. Within 2 months of bringing my son home, I was back in an old role where I knew I could be the kind of mom I needed without the added mental and emotional stress of a challenging work environment.
Within a few months, parenting felt more manageable. That early panic settled down. Turns out the 6/6 thing works for challenges at home too. We can see much more clearly on the other side of the firehose and a little time.
I had listened to the Siren’s song and hit the rocks. Feeling stuck, I struggled to restart my career trajectory.
And yet…
That change got me here. I worked with an executive coach. Turned my writing into what you’re experiencing now. Became a coach myself. Refocused on human-centered change and the most rewarding work of my career. All because I took a step back.
Turns out, even if the Siren lures us into the rocks, we can use that experience to propel us forward. Maybe in a different direction, but who’s to say it won’t be a better one?
Whether we push forward navigating choppy waters or change course, we get to choose. As long as we aren’t letting fear guide our path, we will always find ourselves where we are meant to be.
