Long before I was a coach, or worked with one, I was a 19-year-old just starting in her career.
I had flunked out of college and lost a full scholarship. Started working for the Marine Corps and the long road to discovering my gifts. People were willing to invest in my education and believed in my ability at a time when I had my doubts.
There may have been doubts, but I always had dreams. Dreams of a future me and what that life would look like. I was about to say “might look like” but the dreams were absolute. An intention that would not be denied. In my dreams, there was no doubt.
I’ve brought those dreams to life over the years. As my life unfolds, I find that my dreams change. The dreams tend to align with major life phases, so they evolve as I do. Now that I’m an empty nester, it’s time for a new dream to emerge. A new intention.
If we want to have the life of our dreams, how do we get there? We start with clarity of that dream.
It’s the question, Neo. It’s the question that guides us.
No, we’re not going to ponder whether we’re stuck in the matrix. Yet the idea of a question guiding us and our behavior isn’t that far-fetched.
Conventional wisdom says to set goals and then break those goals down into smaller, achievable steps. That wisdom was developed when the pace of change was a lot slower. It seems like every other minute something new is emerging. Things we might have aspired to 5 minutes ago may no longer exist.
To imagine the life of our dreams, we need to ask ourselves the right question. Dream the right kind of dream.
“What do I want to be able to say about my life at [pick a point in time]?”
This question is all about intention setting. It’s not too specific (what’s the job title or salary I want to have), allowing for flexibility in how the intention comes to be. Flexibility is critical, as the more specific we get about our intention, the less likely we will achieve it. Not because we won’t work towards it, but because the world around us is constantly changing.
Where we’re going, we don’t need roads
Dreams may seem fantastical. That doesn’t mean they aren’t possible. The whole point of this exercise is to imagine what we want our lives to look like, regardless of what might be feasible. At the rate technology and the world is changing, who knows what’s possible 5 or 10 years from now?
That first intention at 19 was prescient, though I didn’t know it yet. I was surrounded by Marines my age who were getting married. They had a career, while I had a job.
One day I remember closing my eyes and daydreaming about my life about 10 years ahead. What did I want it to look like? Coming out of that, I had my intention. I’d be a working mom. Someone highly trusted so I could have a flexible job that allowed me to be present for my kids. I could work from home if I needed to.
Note that we used computers at that point, but there was no remote work. Laptops and the internet were just starting to become a thing. This was not an exercise in what was possible…it was a dream I was determined to make real.
Achieving that dream would take a lot of change on the world’s part that I couldn’t control. However, I could do my part to make that dream a reality. With that future in mind, it guided every decision I made. The work opportunities I pursued, relocations, dating. Even getting a dog and what kind were guided by that vision of future me.
Having a dream is the critical start. After that, we need to do our part to consciously achieve it. Otherwise, we might subconsciously undermine it.
Ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge
Ignorance is by no means bliss. If we aren’t clear on what we are aiming for, we can end up anywhere. If that kind of chaos is your jam, then, by all means, have at it. We will still have to navigate chaos on our journey, but our intention is the true north we need to do so with purpose.
That original dream of being a working mom in a flexible environment came to fruition. Then what? I was still chasing the shiny pennies of challenging work to build credibility and trust. My intentions had not evolved as my life had.
I was applying for the same kinds of roles and not getting the job. It was an unusual experience for me, as they were the kind of roles that perfectly aligned with my skills, and I thought I was nailing the interviews.
The interviewers were sensing something I had not yet realized. I didn’t want these jobs. They weren’t aligned with the new life I was building. It was time for a new dream – a new intention – and I was floundering in the in-between.
If we are not conscious of what we want, we can inadvertently undermine our progress. Our subconscious is often smarter than we offer credit. It will guide us towards dreams we don’t yet know we have. Redirect when we are pushing forward with something that doesn’t match.
Everything important happens when we’re awake
The dream matters, but it’s not enough. Starting with the question and the life we want ensures our conscious and subconscious are working together to get us there. That’s how we can take mindful action.
As I sought to move past the in-between, I imagined the next 10+ years. The result was a new intention that would require I think differently about the roles I was pursuing. Not long after, a new opportunity became available and kicked off the next phase of my career.
If you are looking for a new role and continuously find yourself facing closed doors, it could be the market we’re in. You can’t control that, but you can control how you show up. Make sure your conscious and subconscious are aligned to a common intention throughout the process.
The dream is our true north, but what we do when we’re awake…that’s the magic. To make magic happen, ask yourself: what is the life I dream of and what’s one step I can take today to make it real?
