Habits. The smallest component of our day, but arguably the most impactful. Those things that we often don’t really think about but influence so much of our lives. It is said that if you want to change your life, you need to change your habits.
Of course. Absolutely. No argument from over here.
There’s so much science around habit-building. All the books. As an avid reader who uses challenges to develop consistent habits, I redesigned my reading habit in Q4 of 2022 to focus exclusively on non-fiction books. So many of them included references to habits, beyond the obvious ones of Atomic Habits and The Five-Second Rule.
I saw habits pop up in Radical Candor – being kind by saying a hard thing as soon as we can. In Fierce Self-Compassion – interrupting our negative thoughts and committing to valuing ourselves as much as we value others. The list goes on.
In all cases, there’s a notion of starting. Like Nike’s “Just Do It” – just start. Start small, but start.
Starting can be easy…
Historically, I haven’t had a problem with starting. Once I make a commitment to myself, starting is simple enough.
For example, my writing habit. When life and work get absolutely overwhelming, I might drop off. Creativity goes to zero and I have no ideas or energy for it, which keeps me from restarting. Once I recommit, I just sit down at the computer and write. Nothing inspiring? I’ll write about my lack of inspiration. Take out a writing prompt.
In this case, what matters is the action of starting, not the content. Action fuels the thing I want, which is inspiration. Don’t wait to get inspired – act and be inspired. With a few mornings of writing practice, the creativity cup is refilled and soon I’m off and cranking out new ideas.
Yet there are times when starting seems insurmountable. In those cases, the right first step makes all the difference.
…Or starting can be painful
I still remember the day in January, years ago, when I decided I had enough. I was barely mobile after major surgeries and complications. It was time to get my life back and that started with exercise.
I got up that morning and just started, like so many other times. On went my cycling gear and I was all fired up. It was painful, but I expected that. Seat bones take some time to build, and I know how to work through that.
The next day was the same. By the third day, I was in severe pain, but not my seat bones. It was in my hips. This was new and very bad. Given my surgery and complications, I couldn’t continue. It was obvious I was hurting myself.
I was devastated. Here I was trying to get healthy again and it was hurting me. Right then I quit. I gave up on trying to get better.
At least for a bit. In that moment, starting wasn’t my problem. It was what I started WITH that made the difference.
Pick the right first step
A few weeks later, my family had our photo taken at some local event and the person I saw in the image didn’t look like me. She looked like my mother.
Now, my mother was beautiful, don’t get me wrong. The first photo of the two of us…that’s the mother I remember now. It’s not the mother I lost two years ago.
She never took care of herself. The difference in my parents in their 70’s was stark. My father is still doing long-distance rides and hill climbs on his bike all over the west coast. My mother spent much of her later years suffering from diabetes and heart issues. She was barely mobile.
When I saw that photo, and realized at 42 I was barely mobile and quickly following the same path, I had a choice. I knew I had to take action, but it had to be the right action.
I hired a personal trainer skilled in injury recovery so I wouldn’t get hurt. The money I was paying, and the strict schedule, would help hold me accountable. I would have no excuses.
At that point, I couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a time without pain. My trainer helped me do the right exercises for where I was at the moment. Each session, he’d push me a little. If I was on my own, I’d continue to push myself the wrong way and end up hurt. Instead, I ultimately lost weight, increased my strength, and started on the path to becoming a lifetime athlete.
Asking for help is a valid first step
There is absolutely something to be said for getting started. For not letting our inner dialogue – self-doubt and limiting beliefs – hold us back from our goals and dreams.
However, that first step doesn’t have to be alone. Sometimes, we want to start and don’t know how to. That’s perfectly okay. Finding someone to help us doesn’t make us stupid or incompetent. It makes us smart.
I didn’t have great role models for healthy eating growing up. Or portion control for that matter. As I’ve looked to change my eating habits over the years, nutritionists have been critical in helping me make good decisions that I’d struggle to make on my own.
Whether it’s an accountability partner or a professional that helps people like us do the thing we’re longing to do, engaging another person can be the first step to making our goal less daunting. Reduce confusion or be the prompt we need to start smart.
The next time we find ourselves struggling with starting and maintaining a habit, consider that first step. Is it too big? We can start small. Are we afraid? Maybe we can reach out to a friend for encouragement or to join us in that first step. Is there uncertainty about how to get started? Consider whether there’s someone skilled in this area that we can ask for help.
The first step can be a phone call to a friend, coach, therapist…it still counts as starting. Our first step towards the future version of us doesn’t have to be alone. We often go further together.
What is a habit you’ve struggled to start or maintain? What have you found that’s helped? I’d love it if you would share your story in the comments to help others on their journey.
One Response
This is a great article!! I see your point with picking the right first step. I was able to change everything about my diet in one step and maintain a much healthier diet for a year and a half so far. I could have started with something small but I likely wouldn’t see any improvement which would have been demotivating to maintain or build upon. In this case the right first step for me was to take the big one and change everything. I felt so much better and could see such a difference in my weight loss and energy level from doing the big thing. I never would have seen such an improvement in myself from doing something small. Sometimes doing the big change can be the right first step. It can be difficult to know what the right first step is at times. For these times I’m learning to try something and if it is not working then I’m trying to give myself grace to pivot and try an alternative way to achieve some other kind of success towards the goal. Finding something sustainable that you can build upon is the right step in that case.