Our lives are a journey that promises only a beginning and an end. How that journey plays out is up to each one of us.
As a military kid, the epic road trip across the country is one that is quite familiar. I’ve packed up and moved my life thousands of miles away many times. That trip reflects the story of my life. I head out in a direction, plan it out the wazoo, adjust course as the unexpected occurs, and often get distracted by a side quest.
I’m not 100% sure where my journey will end, but I generally know what direction I’m headed. I have supplies and passengers that join me for parts of the ride, and I remain open to those epic side quests that keep the journey interesting.
Interestingly, those have all changed over the years. The people that join me. What I think I need. What warrants a side quest.
That which attracted, comforted, challenged, or entertained me in the early years of my journey has shifted. As I have reached various milestones, my needs and interests have changed. It has been critical for my pursuits to change with them.
Ever been trip with someone that frustrates the crap out of you? I was once willing to tolerate the annoyance. Now, no one gets in my car that won’t be additive to my journey (other than my bossy teen, who I hope will still want to travel with me when he grows out of that stage).
As we move through our life journey, it’s critical we pause and reflect on what we want and need during each leg. Those people and things that serve us for one portion may not for the next. And that is how it should be.
What we do
Everyone’s journey will be different. Some of us may be tempted to see all that the world has to offer. Others to explore closer to home, content to delve into relationships or interests more deeply than the broader world around us.
No matter the map we’re building, we’ll need supplies that support the journey. What we do influences the journey, our level of independence, how far we can go, and whether we can pursue side quests.
At the start of my career, I was worried about paying the bills and the occasional trip to visit friends or family. As my pay increased, so did my adventures and side quests.
As I built a family, the adventures changed. Stability, a home, and saving for education were important. There were still side quests, though perhaps low-key. The kiddo and I have taken many a road trip, where I’ve introduced him to mom’s eclectic musical tastes.
As I’m approaching the later parts of my career, I realize that how much I make is less important than what I do. Yes, I want to keep funding those side quests, but I’m more interested in making coaching accessible to more people. My current mindset is on how to pay the bills in my later years and focus entirely on my passion.
Whether we like it or not, what we do matters. We may start out with something we’re good at, but that’s not particularly satisfying. Ideally, we can pursue passion and pay the bills. What matters is the kind of journey we are on, and what we need to make that journey come to life.
That will change as we move from adventurous to potentially something less so. Or we realize the true adventure is within us.
What we need
We know the kind of journey we want to take, and the kind of life we want. What do we need along the way?
What we need is simple. Food, shelter, water. The fundamentals may be enough, or what we can manage. Yet we crave connection, belonging, purpose, and meaning. Those may look different throughout our lives.
There are so many ways to take the journey. Ultimately what it looks like should be centered around what’s most important to us.
I’ve moved around my entire life. The one thing I wanted to give my son was a sense of stability, while also giving him a chance to experience change before the world forced it on him. Figuring out what that would look like has heavily influenced parts of my journey. It will be interesting to see what he does when it’s his turn to take the wheel, given how my early relocations have driven me.
Understanding our motivations and desires can help us determine what we need along our path. What side quests will have the most impact or serve us best? What supplies make sense to have on the way, like carrying a mortgage or living light to maximize travel opportunities?
As we start our journey, what we are taking with us may make sense for the kind of life we want to live. Once we get underway, we may find that we can shed some and take on other needs as our life changes. Periodically reassessing our wants and needs can ensure we are taking with us that which serves us best, and not carrying unnecessary luggage along the way.
Who we’re with
There is probably nothing more important to decide on our journey than whom to share it with. The right passengers at the right time in our lives can make the trip fun and meaningful or a frustrating torment.
Friends and romantic interests may join us for part of the ride, or its entirety. Yet as our wants and needs change, we may discover that the pleasant partner in those early side quests is not someone we want with us for the long quiet stretches.
It wasn’t until I started looking ahead to my twilight years that I realized I was with someone who wasn’t a good fit for the future. We were not preparing similarly for that part of the trip, and I was pretty sure I didn’t want him with me on the ride.
For several years, I’ve adventured on side quests blissfully alone or with dear friends. Now, as I’ve invited someone along on this stretch of my journey, I’m realizing what was attractive in a partner in my 20’s is nothing like my 40’s.
It’s critical that we consider what we need now with the lens of today and forward. If we keep on glasses of the past, we may find ourselves with tagalongs that are not a good fit for where we’re headed. Instead, we can consider where we are on our journey and who we are now. Who would make the best companion and be trusted to occasionally take the wheel so we can rest? Who would have similar desires for side quests or how to best stock up for the ride?
There is one more person we need to consider throughout our epic journey. Ourselves.
Who we are
While it matters who we bring with us, they are with us for but a few of our seasons. The only one we can’t kick out of the car is ourselves.
We are who we surround ourselves with. What we’ll do, what we’ll bring, and who we’ll have with us on along the way all influence who we are and who we will become.
We can leave those choices to chance or commit to the version of ourselves we want to be at the end of our journey and align our choices to that person. To the future version of us at the end of the road.
I’ve had a life purpose influencing my choices since my 20’s. It’s come more into focus as I’ve matured and made my choices with intention. Over time, I’ve gotten more selective about who and what comes with me.
I have learned to let go of things and people that don’t align with where I’m headed. To attract those that encourage who I want to become and the life I want to lead. In order to do that, I’ve needed a clear picture of who I am. To love the me of NOW, and know the me of the future so that I can plan the journey – and epic side quests – that will get me to her.
No matter where we are in our journey, we can take stock of ourselves at key intervals. As we hit major milestones, experience setbacks, or have new aspirations, we can reassess and determine if our path needs adjusting.
Ultimately, knowing ourselves, how our needs are shifting, and what changes are needed to best serve our journey will help us build a life map to the future us we aspire to be.
