For the last several years, my son and I have alternated between Christmas and Thanksmas. This year, we celebrated our Christmas on Thanksgiving. That leaves Christmas as a time for myself, giving the gift of stillness and rejuvenation ahead of the new year.
In this pattern, I have recognized the importance of not only considering gifts for others during the holidays, but gifts for ourselves as well. As many may be scrambling around for last-minute gift ideas…how often do we put ourselves on the list?
While we may not consider belonging a gift, I’d argue that it’s one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves or anyone else. If there’s a huge question mark next to your own name, or a loved one, consider three ways belonging can be a wonderful way to create joy.
Belong where you are
We have a choice between a mindset of scarcity and abundance. If we focus on what we lack, we may lament about the spaces or people where we feel like we don’t belong.
Instead, we can find belonging in the spaces where we already are. Consider: where and/or with whom do I feel most comfortable?
I have felt out of step with the world – my family, coworkers, and friends – at many times throughout my life. When I focus on feeling “other,” it is really easy to notice. Earlier this year, I reframed my perspective and started looking at where I feel the most at ease. The most sense of acceptance. I realized that I had many spaces where I already belonged and flourished.
This holiday, I’ll be leaning into those relationships and telling folks just how much they mean to me. What a gift they are, and how much I appreciate the sense of belonging I experience with them.
Once you identify the people with whom you feel the strongest sense of belonging, let them know. It can be a gift to you both.
Belong to yourself
We do not have to be part of a pair or group to experience a sense of belonging. Instead, we can learn to belong to ourselves.
Being comfortable being alone makes it easier to open to belonging in other spaces rather than chase it. Being comfortable in our own skin, with our own thoughts – even when we’re a stranger in a crowd – is very empowering.
Years ago, I was part of a pair that didn’t do much together. Rather than wait around for someone else to join me, I started doing things on my own. After divorce, it became the norm. Now, I’m so comfortable doing things alone that I sometimes struggle to invite others. My new mindset is that someone needs to be additive to join in the endeavors I most enjoy.
Consider something that you enjoy doing, or would love to try, but have hesitated because you don’t have anyone to do it with. Give yourself the gift of doing it anyway.
Create space for others to belong
It may not be comfortable at first doing things alone. If not, invite someone new to join you. Consider new faces in your personal, professional, or community circles. Maybe even consider meetups as a way to meet new people and suggest activities.
As a military kid, it doesn’t take much for me to remember the feeling of being new. Long after I left home, I continued to move across the country (and the world and back) and leave what I know behind so many times.
How many around us are new? New parents or community members? Team members or classmates? As someone who has spent much of her life as the newbie, that first person to reach out can be a lifeline of support as we get our footing and figure out where we may belong in this new space.
Consider finding someone new and inviting them into your world. When we welcome others into our sphere, wholly and without reservation, it often creates space for us too. In creating belonging for others, we may find that we belong too.
The gift of self
One of the greatest gifts we can give or receive is the gift of belonging. Truly seeing others for who they are and welcoming all of what we find. Of being seen and welcomed ourselves.
While we may get caught up in trying to find the perfect gift for someone else, consider that we might be that gift. That opening our arms wide to them may be exactly what they need. And maybe, just maybe, we can gift ourselves that same sense of belonging. Whether that’s learning how to be comfortable in our own skin, or welcoming others into our space.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Please accept my gifts – the sharing of myself, my stories, and learnings. May they serve you as you navigate the year ahead.
