How a haircut reminded me to count my blessings

Growing up, my hair was apparently a big deal.  My father is from southern California.  To him, my goal should have been to have Marsha Brady hair…long, blonde, and parted in the middle.

He cut my hair when I was little.  I remember he could bring it all between his first and middle fingers and just “snip” a little bit off.  And let it continue to grow.

My hair was pin straight and I thought it was so boring.  My mom and brother had wavy hair, but mine was just like my dad’s.  I wanted anything else.  My mom even permed it when I was in kindergarten, but it fell out the next day.

I fought against what nature had given me and lost.  So I did the next best thing.  Once I was old enough and had my own allowance money, I started going to get my hair professionally “done”.  I came back home with about a foot cut off my hair that first time.

After that, dad left me alone about my hair.  I’d periodically grow it out and then cut it short again.  Never really happy with what I had, but at least I felt some level of control.

Many years and attempted styles later, I moved East, where humidity reigns.  That pin straight hair was now neither straight nor curly.  I spent a lot of time, effort, and money to straighten it.

Until a new friend of mine helped me change my perspective on the constant battle between me, humidity, and my “Cousin It” hair.

We can want what others have

I moved to North Carolina a little over 4 years ago.  I became a full-time single mom in the transition, with little time on my hands in the morning.  It was a struggle every day to figure out how to tame my hair and get both of us out the door on time.

One weekend, I met up with a girlfriend of mine for lunch and just let my hair air dry.  I figured if anyone would be judgement-free about it, it would be her.  As I apologized for my frizzy mess, she gave me the strangest look and I still remember what she said.

“Kristin, do you realize there are women that would pay good money for those beachy waves you have going on?  Your hair looks great and I personally love it.”

Huh.  In that moment, I realized that I had been wanting something “else” for so long, I failed to appreciate what I had.  And I had something that others would be grateful for.

From that day forward, I let my hair air dry.  I did my best to stop worrying about the frizz level and embrace what I had.

For the next 3 years, I let my hair grow.  Covid meant fewer haircuts for quite a bit.  I would trim and let it grow out more.  Long beachy waves, neither curly nor straight, became something I embraced.

Or decide to want what we have

Well, all good things can eventually become too much.  I wanted a change and decided to hack my hair off.  Back to a short bob.

I was worried about how it would look short and natural.  I had only ever had short straight hair and I really didn’t want to go back to a lot of work in the mornings, even if my commute was only to my home office.

Taking a foot off my hair was just as liberating in my 40’s as it was my teens.  I loved the cut, and the blowout that was done.  It was a few days before I tried letting it air dry.

And it turns out my hair is really curly now.  Could be my age or the humidity, but those beachy waves went crazy once the weight of that extra hair was gone.

The very thing I had wished for was waiting for me.  All I had to do was embrace what I have and experiment.  Figure out what works for my face, age, and activity level and let nature do the rest.

And embrace what we have at all life stages

Why would anyone care about my hair journey?  Because it’s also my life journey.  It’s all of ours.

Our feeds are FILLED with what other people have, or what they want us to think they have.  Beauty standards, fashion, and even lifestyles…they all change.  If we measure our sense of self and achievement on someone or something else, it’s a moving target.

It’s hard to appreciate what we have when we are coveting what someone else has.  Or focusing on what we don’t.

What we see as successful, beautiful, or aspirational in the world changes on a dime.  On top of that, our own lives, health, bodies, relationships, and careers change as well.  We have a choice in how we respond to those change.

With acceptance or frustration.  Gratitude or resentment.  

Chasing a moving target, when we are changing as well, is a formula for frustration and resentment that sends us in circles.  Accepting where we are?  Moving forward in a way that honors and is grateful for what we have?  Now that’s a path for healthy growth. 

Is there something you’re frustrated by about yourself?  Step back for a moment and consider.  Would someone else be grateful for that part of you that you find frustrating?  Is there something positive you can find or a way to reframe your mindset?

My hair was the easy story to share.  I’ve battled my weight.  My health.  My sense of self.  Today, I choose to be grateful.  Grateful for all my perfect imperfections that make me uniquely me.  I welcome you to do the same.