Years ago, my executive coach Carlotta was sitting across the desk from me during a conversation. She was quiet, thinking. Then she said, plain as day “You’re the warrior.”
I sat there for a heartbeat and smiled. “I know.”
She chuckled and explained that’s not what she meant. Not in the literal sense, though it was certainly true. But as an archetype. That was my introduction to The Hero Within by Carol Pearson. A book that would go on to change my life.
Years later – another coach and another book – my perspective was changed again. While The Hero Withinhelped me understand how my warrior-self was being received (potentially negatively) by others, a new book would have me discovering something even more incredible.
My heart.
Winning from Within
I started working with a coach in the summer of 2021. It was during a period of unemployment, while I was investing in personal and professional development. As part of a coaching certification program, we partnered with fellow coaches to practice our craft.
My coach JJ is a wonderful foil. She would listen to my words and reflect back on what voice she heard speaking them. Maybe it was the Warrior or the Thinker. Rather than archetypes, these are voices we can all call from within us to guide our actions and decision-making.
She introduced me to Winning from Within by Erica Fox. The concept is that we all have four voices, all with different interests, that influence us. Our Captain ensures that no one voice has the floor all the time. There are other components as well, but the gist is that if we allow one or two voices to always run things, we are leaving out critical influences to achieve and receive the outcomes we desire.
In my case, the Thinker-Warrior combo dominates. As a project manager by trade, I automatically consider the path through change, assess risk, and then charge ahead. The Thinker analyzes the situation, and the Warrior gets things done.
At first, JJ asked me about the Dreamer. The one with ideas and looks to the future. I have dreams in motion, that the Thinker-Warrior is helping to make happen. That’s if they pass the Thinker’s analysis and tests.
But what about my Lover or Feeler? My only reaction to that was “she can’t be trusted.”
Leading from our heart center
As a leader, it would make sense that a Thinker-Warrior would be effective. Whether the dreams are those of senior leaders or change we envision within a team, being able to discern a successful outcome, manage risk, and drive to achievement sounds like a formula for success.
Yet leaders do none of those things alone. We have teams we rely on to affect that success. To help identify when risk triggers appear. Or identify factors to influence our discernment.
A leader who dreams, analyses, and delivers may be successful for a while. Yet long-term success requires the fourth voice. The heart.
I did not originally learn that form of leadership. My early days with the military taught me to armor up. It was through executive coaching all those years ago that I added vulnerability as a cornerstone of my leadership. Allowed myself to be seen.
Yet I still didn’t think of myself as a lover or feeler. As much as I’ve cared for those in my charge, I honestly thought my heart was out of the mix. Until I read the section on the voice of the Lover. I left it to last because I thought that part of me was missing. Turned out it was driving me all along.
There is no one way to lead
I believe that anyone can lead. With commitment and practice, it’s achievable for anyone with the right mindset. A mindset focused on taking care of people, so they take care of results.
If I believe in people-centric leadership, how could I believe that my heart wasn’t engaged? Because I didn’t see the love in my actions. Honestly, I’m not always sure others do either. I am pretty direct and sometimes I think the care I show for those that are important to me comes across as “tough love.”
Some of this likely goes back to Myers Briggs (MBTI). I’m definitely a T – Thinker vs a Feeler (F). I regularly looked for Feelers for my teams, as they can be hard to find in tech. In most organizations I’ve worked for, there was usually only one, and that was someone I’d try to get on my team.
As I read the section on the Lover, it listed out practical actions a loving leader shows their team. It helped me realize I don’t have to be a Feeler to lead from the heart. There is no one way to show up as a leader. If I am empathetic to the needs of my team, building their needs into the plan, and defending them as my Warrior knows how to do – then I am a heart-centered leader.
Reevaluating the Thinker-Warrior
After my “aha” moment, I went back and started looking at all my dreams and plans. They were all people first.
Some plans were focused on my son, our relationship, and his future. Others aligned to my dream of coaching and serving more people to help fix the broken leadership pipeline. I recognized my daily actions centered around ensuring my team had a healthy work-life balance.
My heart was feeding all my dreams, plans, and actions. My Dreamer-Thinker-Warrior were all acting in service to my Lover. Turns out she could not only be trusted…she was driving my actions all along.
While many may believe the Thinker-Warrior combo makes for a great leader, I’ve concluded it is incomplete. Servant leadership has a heart component. One that may look different for each of us, but ultimately means putting our people first.
Trusting and integrating our heart means supplementing the vision, plans, and delivery with a people mindset. And isn’t that ultimately what leadership is all about?
