It would be wonderful if we all worked for the unicorn. That perfect manager. You know, the one that is supportive, gives great feedback, assigns challenging work, and just gets us?
Pretty sure there aren’t a lot of those around. People don’t leave companies, they leave managers. And there’s this thing called the great resignation going on.
Which means there aren’t a plethora of unicorns out there.
They do exist, however. Even if they are rare, there are those folks we just love working for. But guess what? Even they aren’t perfect. And if we aren’t careful, a person that might otherwise be a great fit for us might not be. If we don’t do our part.
What’s that, you might be asking? Speaking up.
Aligning expectations
I’m not sure when mindreading became part of a manager’s job description. Or anyone’s for that matter.
How can we expect someone else to meet our needs or expectations, if we don’t communicate them? Quite simply…we can’t.
I remember my own unicorn boss a few jobs ago. It was a less than ideal company fit, but I loved working for him. Stayed 5 more years because it meant working for someone that valued me, not just my work.
But sometimes, he frustrated the hell out of me. My biggest frustration was our performance check-ins. They basically didn’t happen. So I’d get to the annual review (no so) slightly stressed.
After the second year this happened, he asked me for any feedback I had for him. And I gave it to him straight. From where I sat, we continually skipped the quarterly check-ins. The annual became a stressful event, even if I suspected I was doing well.
He was shocked. From his perspective, he had been giving me feedback throughout the year. I didn’t realize that occasional powerpoint grammar corrections or meeting feedback WAS his idea of regular check-ins. And if what I was getting was all he had, that meant I was doing well.
Once the door to feedback was open, it became easier to use my voice. He never did participate in the quarterly check-in process, but I got better about coming out and asking how I was doing. If the formal process didn’t happen, I created an informal one for myself.
Finding our voice
Just because someone is our manager doesn’t mean we have to be silent or follow their lead. We have the right and obligation to speak up and be our own advocate.
If something isn’t working for us, we can say so. It may not always change things, but nothing changes if we stew in silence. The only thing that does is create frustration, likely on both sides.
Only we know what’s going on in our heads, and expecting our manager to be a mind reader is fraught with peril. As is assuming we know what they’re thinking.
While each of us may have a list of expectations of a manager, it’s likely different than the person next to us. There is no universal code or guide on how to be a good manager. Certainly there are signs of bad ones, but even those aren’t guaranteed to be consistent.
What works for me might frustrate the heck out of you. What you love may irritate me to no end.
The only way to find that unicorn? To use our voice and let our needs be known.
Do or do not. It’s all a gift.
What about a manager that is NOT a unicorn, and isn’t interested in our feedback? Well, we learn something from them too.
I’ve worked for a lot of people in my career, and only one was a unicorn. But looking back, did I always use my voice and let my needs be known?
Sometimes I did, and it made no difference in what I was experiencing. While frustrating, I at least knew I had done my part. I let my needs be known and received a gift in return.
Because it is a gift when we can see someone. Truly see them, even their limitations. It may be disappointing to know our needs won’t be met, but at least we know. And knowledge is power. It allows us to make an informed choice to stay or go.
The next time we find ourselves frustrated with our manager, we can ask ourselves one question…”Have I communicated my needs or expectations in this situation?”
If not, start there. Even the best managers could use a nudge every now and then. What we think is obvious may not be and if we never ask, the answer is always no.
