Years ago, a woman on one of my teams asked me, “How did you do it?” Do what, I wondered. At my quizzical look, she continued “create such a fantastic team? Not only do we work well together; we also feel like a family.”
The reality is that work isn’t like home. We don’t get to fire mom when she demands we eat more vegetables – even if my son would love for that to be the case.
Though family generally isn’t “at will,” work doesn’t have to feel completely different. There’s a sense of belonging at home that supports variation in the members. Their personality, goals, behaviors…all potentially very different, yet there’s a common thread binding them together.
Work can be the same. And leaders can help foster the kind of environment where everyone feels like they belong to something more than a job.
Show the team they matter beyond the work
On that same team, another leader came by my office and asked what the deal was with my team. “They laugh. It’s the only place in the building where you hear laughter. What’s going on over there?”
Work. Yet it’s work where people generally enjoy each other’s company and act like it.
Each day, I’d walk the aisles and talk with my small team. I was employee number one and hired each of them for a particular area of responsibility. When creating a new organization, each person is critical, as is how they are onboarded.
I’d swing by each desk and engage based on their interests from the start. One built Legos in his free time. Another was fascinated by learning to code new languages.
I’d ask about their weekend or evening and share about mine. I had a kindergartner at home, so his exploits would often feature with mock horror at the latest one. Smiles and laughter abounded. And it lasted after I’d leave.
When we engage beyond work, our teams receive explicit permission that it’s okay to do the same. Yes, we’d talk about the latest deadline or deliverable, but entwined with information about the latest Lego demonstration (which I’d end up taking my young son to, much to his delight).
Be the model
There are a lot of ways to build a sense of connection and belonging in a team. First, consider what is rewarded and recognized. Is it independent work, or are they encouraged to partner on efforts? To help one another?
Celebrating accomplishments big and small is important as a leader. If we want to build a tight-knit group, it’s especially critical to recognize and celebrate when they work together. When someone mentors someone else or helps them learn something new. Steps in to help when someone gets stuck or has a family issue that has come up.
Just like parents, leaders also must be careful not to play favorites. Everyone on the team is the favorite – they each have their unique gift to share. When one tends to get singled out a lot, it can create resentment. Spread the appreciation, opportunities, and assignments so that everyone feels like they are getting a chance to contribute and to shine.
The tie that binds
Families have a sense of common identity, often in a shared history. Teams can develop the same, through shared purpose.
In each organization, whether we are employee number one or leading an existing team, we can look for the value the team offers (or will offer) the organization. What’s the “so what” that would get someone out of bed each day, feeling like their efforts matter?
I was leading one organization when we were challenged with building a new financial application. Our work was fundamental to the success of the company, managing over $10B in revenue, but didn’t sound very sexy.
It was a struggle to create a powerful “why” to keep the team motivated as we were in the home stretch of a target date. The team was tired, and things usually slowed down a bit during the holidays. We all needed rest, but the January 1 delivery date was approaching.
They were a tight-knit group, but even a supportive group can struggle when everyone is exhausted. It wasn’t enough to say the company needed our work. What could they rally around to help pull each other over the goal line?
Create shared purpose
I had help in the form of a skeptical executive. In a meeting one afternoon, he told me the company had a poor reputation when it came to building financial systems. As far as I was concerned – and vocally shared with him – they were the bar for the organization and listed success after success they had accomplished.
With a few weeks to go, I pulled them all together. I shared that discussion. “I know you’re tired. We all need a break. I promise we can all rest on the 2nd. Between now and then, I want you to show him what this team is made of.”
Our team had its shared purpose. The family’s reputation was in question. No question remained on January 2nd.
Family matters
When leaders engage their teams on a human level, and model that for the group, it opens the door for a more personal connection.
I’ve seen friendships develop as peers share common interests. Watched families become close, and kids grow up together. Heard recounts of shared concerts and trips.
So many relationships over the years, many that have continued well beyond transitions into new teams and organizations.
Maybe it’s because I opened the door. Or maybe it’s because I’ve practiced the same. Embraced the possibility of friendship with peers and mentors. Created deep trusting relationships with people that now feel like family. Those I celebrate with when things are going well and turn to or support during the struggles.
Yes, companies are at will. They don’t have loyalty. But people do, and businesses are their people. So let’s not pretend for one moment interpersonal connections don’t matter.
When leaders are asked to do hard things and need to bring their teams along on that journey, it might be the one thing that does.
