Where are you putting your energy? Into dreams or dread?

The world has often felt upside down over the last 2+ years.  In some moments, we may have been inspired to try new things.  Other times we may have struggled to cope.

Resilience is a muscle we can develop by adapting and finding our way through challenging experiences.  Anyone else feel like the universe is providing non-stop resiliency lessons lately?

I certainly have.  At one point in the last few years, the universe provided a number of back-to-back challenges.  Some of them were harder than others.  None of them were welcome and all seemed to focus around my health.

As a single mom, the one thing I want most is to be able to raise my child, see him grow up, and ideally be here for his adult milestones too.  Health issues tap into a fear that I won’t be around to do that.

Each time one would hit, I found I had a choice.  I’d start getting sucked into the dread of what was going on.  The fear of how it would turn out.  Or I could reframe and stay focused on my dreams.  For myself and my child.

So I followed the steps.  Got through the challenge with as positive a mindset as I could manage.  Again and again and again.  Each time one struggle was managed, another would pop up.  The dread would creep back in.

Mindset matters

When we are hit with one bad thing after another, it can be difficult to manage.  We may wonder when it will stop.

We hear a lot about staying positive, which sounds trite.  If someone had said that to me during any of my health challenges, I might have wanted to pop them in the mouth.

At the same time, I know it’s true.  Negative thinking can breed negative outcomes.  The thing we fear most can be the thing we create if that’s where our minds are rooted.  It can be a dark spiral, sucking us in.

One example came when I was diagnosed with neck and spinal issues.  I was told I couldn’t exercise, which messes with another chronic condition that will eventually lead to diabetes.  Very quickly, I got caught up in what I couldn’t do, and the bad road ahead.

A good friend reminded me that stress creates cortisol, which increases weight gain.  The thing I was most worried out, which would fast-track me to diabetes.  

I had to figure out how to stop that negative thinking quickly and determine another way forward.  Following a recommendation to work with a dietician, I was able to come up with a plan that accounted for both diagnoses.

If I had enough energy to focus on stress and fear, then I had enough to take an action that was positive. Redirecting our energy to good things going on in our life, and taking positive action to move us forward, are great ways to interrupt feelings of dread.

From dread to dreams

If we find ourselves stuck dreading what is going on, we can take small steps to move us back to joy. Toward the things we dream of.

1. Focus on the good.  Reframe perspective to remember good things that are going on, even if there are a few going sideways.  Try using the 5 star system to remember what is going well.
2. Have grace.  When facing a new challenge, we can have grace with ourselves in our struggles.  We are never the only one, even if we feel isolated or alone.
3. Put the bad in context.  Rarely do all the things we dread and fear come to pass.  If they do, they are usually temporary and help is available to get through.
4. Follow the steps.  Take some sort of positive action to move forward and regain a sense of control. One step will become two and increase confidence in the ability to navigate the struggle.
5. Honor our feelings.  Our feelings are valid and trying to tell us something.  We should listen, but we don’t want to live there.  Feel them, have grace, and then get back to taking action.

Even small steps feel big when we’re struggling through a challenge.  Particularly when we are also trying to manage the underlying anxiety and stress of a global pandemic.  This is why grace is so important.  Having patience with ourselves, and reaching out for help where we can find it, can be key to getting through the toughest days.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or dealt with a particularly difficult challenge, what steps did you find helpful?  How did you bring in a positive mindset or keep yourself moving forward?  I’d appreciate if you would share your thoughts in the comments below to bring a light to others that may be struggling.