This month is the 10-year anniversary of LeadershipVITAE. As part of the celebration, I’m posting some of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the last decade.
One of the hardest for most of us – I’ll raise my hand high for this one – is focusing on the NOW. Too often, we are carrying luggage filled with things that have happened in the past, or alternatively looking ahead to a future that’s not yet here and may not happen.
Our brains are a wonder. But oh, can they be chatty. Our inner dialogue is so busy worrying about yesterday or tomorrow that we forget to focus on what’s in front of us. What happened five minutes ago, or what might happen five minutes from now, pulls our attention away from the joy, learning, intimacy, or connection we could be receiving right now.
What was is no longer
Our history is just that. History. It happened. There could have been bad, awful, miserable things in that part of our lives. Yet we don’t have to live there. We don’t have to give power to the experiences of our past by carrying them into our present.
Even if we have good memories, they are great to take out, dust off, and smile over. And then put away. We can’t live in those memories, or we miss out on the chance to make new ones now.
I knew a woman who lived in the past. All conversations ended up there. She struggled to live in and enjoy the now. To build new relationships and memories because she was always pulled back into what was. It made it impossible for her to be happy with what is.
That woman was my mother. She died not knowing the woman I have become, still attached to the versions of me she remembered. The rebellious teen and independent adult. She never got to know the mother or the empathetic and self-aware woman.
If we can’t let go of our past, our relationships cannot grow, and neither can we. None of us is the same person we were yesterday or last year. It is only when we can move beyond what was that we can experience and grow into what is.
We can’t control what’s ahead
When we aren’t reflecting on the past, we are often looking ahead to the future. The next promotion. Relationship. Whatever the next thing is that we think will make us happy or complete.
Ironically, we have within us the ability to appreciate where we are. Barring finding ourselves in a dangerous situation (in which case we should do what’s needed to get to safety), there are gifts to be found in the now.
As a project manager by trade, I’ve spent my entire career looking ahead and around corners. Finding and anticipating risks. Avoiding disaster and embracing delight.
The same practices have held in my life and career as well. I am living the life I dreamed of when I was 20. And yet I am also dreaming of my next thing. Constantly.
I have a plan for when my son graduates from high school. I’ve been working towards that plan for the last 12 years and am almost there. When do I stop and enjoy the life I have? The one I dreamed of so long ago and have finally realized?
If we are focused on a future that’s not yet here, we struggle to appreciate what we already have.
Our time isn’t promised
Not to be morbid, but none of us is getting out of here alive. Our breaths are finite. This is both a sad and beautiful reality. Our mortality is what makes every moment precious.
The only thing we have is right now. That’s what’s promised. Not tomorrow. If we spend our time reliving the past or anticipating the future, we are squandering the now.
Following a few health challenges, I have been working on planning and anticipating less. Instead, I’ve been focused on appreciating and experiencing more. Putting aside a multi-year plan for my future, I’ve been working on how I can do more to bring my passions and purpose into my present.
When faced with our mortality, we quickly realize the best-laid plans may never come to pass. Instead, we can consider what we want to be able to say about our lives and determine if our “now” aligns. If not, what actions can we take to achieve that alignment?
What are you waiting for?
There may be very real limitations standing in the way of what we desire. At the same time, we can appreciate where we are, what we have, and take even the smallest actions to realize the life we want written about when our time comes.
If the limitations we’re facing are between our ears, the time is now. To put aside limiting beliefs, the baggage of the past we may be carrying, and the need for perfect conditions to start.
Right now is all that we are promised. Let’s make the most of it.
