This month, it’s been 10 years since my first post on LeadershipVITAE. During that time, life has changed dramatically. Some changes for the better. Others that make me fearful for what’s to come. Yet throughout there has been hope.
When I started on this journey, the intention was to share stories and insights that made leadership accessible to more people. To eliminate the pedestal and show that leaders are human, we make mistakes, and we struggle. I wanted to break down barriers and myths that would cause anyone to think “leadership isn’t for me.” To help even one person feel seen or find support through their challenges.
Because leadership isn’t about titles or being in charge. Or fancy courses or a piece of paper on a wall. It’s about people. This month, I’ll share three leadership lessons that have been critical to my journey over the last 10 years.
The first lesson is to be you. It may sound simple, but sometimes it’s anything but.
Your difference is your gift
From our earliest days at home and school – to each new job or company – we are assessing and figuring out what is expected. We observe what is modeled, rewarded, criticized, and celebrated. We likely adjust based on positive and critical feedback.
Throughout each chapter of our lives, we may feel like parts of us fit and others that don’t. The most fortunate of us have supporters around us, helping us navigate when we feel different. Who celebrate that which is uniquely us, rather than pushing us to adjust to those around us in an attempt to fit in.
We may look around and wonder what everyone else knows that we don’t. Why others seemingly know what is expected and we feel like a fish out of water.
The secret that doesn’t get shared nearly enough? What makes you different and feeling like you don’t fit is most likely your gift.
Rather than try and contort or hope others get it, embrace it. It’s not easy. It may take time to grow into the confidence of who you are. I’m still working on it after several decades. Yet the seeming contradictions within me are my power. They bring an ability that is unique to me. The same is true for you.
Break free of narrow boxes
If we can embrace who we are, know our strengths and how our purported weaknesses can be beneficial or supplemented, that is where our true power lies.
This does not suggest that we storm through life leaving a wake of destruction in our path. We need to come into the world with good intentions AND understand the impact of our actions. At the same time, we can realize that everyone is trying to categorize everyone else as a way to understand, find safety, and navigate a chaotic world.
Unfortunately, the boxes we find ourselves in are often narrowly defined. We are expansive beings who can exist on a spectrum of seemingly conflicting characteristics and behaviors. It is not possible to make everyone happy all the time and it would be a mistake to try.
We can be empathetic and decisive. Passionate and insightful. Heart-centered and analytical. It is not up to anyone else to decide what our unique combination should be. Instead, we exist on a continuum where we can be many things simultaneously and that is the magic of being human.
Embrace your own magic
We each have a story…a history that has influenced how we got here and how we show up in the world. While that will always be true – we are influenced by that which is around us – it’s time for us to embrace our gifts and intentionally influence the world around us as well.
Only then can we be the leading character in our own story.
For years, I felt misunderstood. I am heart-centered, with a deep caring for my people and doing the right thing. For a long time, I hid that heart. I created armor to keep me safe when I worked for the military. Add in passionate energy and a get ‘er done attitude, and it was sometimes difficult for others to see my underlying motivations.
It took a long time for me to realize that while I had great intentions, the armor was holding me back from the kind of leadership I aspired to. It was only when I added vulnerability and allowed my heart to be seen, that I could grow into that leader.
I was hiding my heart because it didn’t seem to fit in the work environment. Yet without that key piece, I struggled to fit. It was only once I embraced all the seemingly conflicting parts of myself – the get ‘er done warrior AND the heart-centered empath – that I realized my gifts and could bring them into my leadership.
From practice to habit
Consider all the parts of yourself that show up in the world. Do you adjust to fit into some environments, and relax in others? What parts feel like they don’t have a home?
Those parts of you that get parked at the door or squashed down in interactions are likely gifts you’re holding back from the world. From being able to embrace your full, authentic self.
Ask yourself, what it would take to feel safe integrating those parts into your full life? It may not be possible or practical to “turn on” all of ourselves overnight. Find safe places and people to practice. Experiment with what feels comfortable and then expand. From one person to small groups. Test in a meeting where there’s a trusted ally or advocate. Learn and adjust.
In my case, I learned to modulate my energy so it wasn’t overwhelming when I met new people. I also started practicing vulnerability, one person at a time. With practice, it has become second nature to do both.
As you practice and integrate all aspects of yourself, you’ll find more opportunities to bring your gifts into the world. When our gifts are brought into the light, they become a magnet to those opportunities. They also become a model for others, encouraging more of us to break free of narrow boxes and embrace our full selves.
And wouldn’t that be a wonderful kind of magic?
One Response
Love this!!