I was leaving lunch with a colleague and turned on the radio. I almost never listen to it anymore. But I was close to home and didn’t want to plug in my phone to access my playlist.
Instead of scanning the stations, I left it where it was. Only 5 minutes to home after all. The DJ came on – remember those? – and posed a question for callers.
“If you were to write a book about your life, what would the title be?”
As a writer, my mind was immediately fully engaged (except for the part that needed to get me home in one piece). I believe that we are all living our own story, welcoming plot twists and writing new endings for ourselves.
So what would my title be? My journey begins with no
Early beginnings
No was my first word. I was never a bad kid, but willful, outspoken, and opinionated. I also didn’t like being told what to do.
No was like a red flag to a bull. Compliance was just not going to happen.
Yet that resistance to no meant that I adventured more. Explored. Tested limits. Found out which no’s were situational and negotiable. Which ones weren’t.
Charging forward after a no might have meant a few broken bones and hearts. Scrapes and bruises, to my body and my ego. It helped me learn what risks were fleeting and which had more consequences. When to push forward and when that no should be a hard stop.
It also helped me learn that what wasn’t possible yesterday can be possible today.
Resistance as fuel
As I got older, my distaste of no didn’t improve. Hearing that I couldn’t do something only drove me to prove that I could. To do it twice and send photos after.
I still remember being told I couldn’t build furniture. About a week later, I was sleeping on a bed I made. Because once I was told I couldn’t, there was nothing more important than learning how to build a king size bed frame from scratch.
Many no’s have inspired growth. New ways of thinking or capabilities. Providing laser focus, where before there might have been loose interest.
A no is not an automatic path to doing something dangerous or unwanted. Instead, there is often something I’ve been considering and am stuck on the fence. No is a sure fire way to get me to commit or let it go.
Often, we can have an idea in mind. A thought of something we might want to do. Yet we hesitate. Struggle to prioritize and make the time.
There have been times where the right word and support have triggered me to move forward. It was the “yes” of my executive coach that got me writing. But if I’m toying with an idea, and there’s some suggestion I can’t do it? I’ll have it done tomorrow thank you very much.
Inner resistance
No doesn’t have to come from others. It can come from within as well.
When my brain or body push back on something I want to do, I’m more likely to want it. Years ago, coming off of surgery and struggling to walk, I quit. I gave up exercises that were making things worse and was well on my way to using a walker.
The idea of “I can’t” doesn’t sit well with me. Whether it comes from someone else, or myself. So one day, I got up and started taking action. That put me on the path back to movement and health. One I remain committed to today, though sometimes I have to figure out how to turn my body’s hard “no” into a “yes.”
When I’m talking with friends, sometimes I’ll hear “I can’t” come out of my mouth. It’s just as bad as hearing it from someone else. That “no” – even coming from me – is a signal that I have to unpack a limiting belief, or figure out the path to yes.
No remains a red flag. It’s a sign I’ve got work to do.
Resistance as growth
In fitness, resistance builds strength. The same is true of our minds. No doesn’t have to be a stop sign. It can be a signal that it’s time to level up.
I’m no longer that stubborn kid, digging in my heels when I don’t want to do something or rushing into to do the thing others don’t want me to. Well, mostly.
Instead, I set boundaries for what’s mentally, physically, and emotionally right for me and my family. I also see resistance as an opportunity to push, challenge, and develop myself. A no today can become a yes tomorrow. If I’m willing to put in the work.
No was my first word, and it’s still my favorite. No is a beacon. A sign of growth and opportunity ahead. It’s the start of a new journey and a chance to learn and push myself.
If I ever do write that book about my life story, maybe the title will hold. In the meantime, I’ll keep looking for ways to live my story, embrace plot twists, and adjust the ending.
If you were to write the story of your life, what would it be called? I welcome you to share the title in the comments.
