The last few years seem to have been filled with health challenges. They have all been manageable to some degree – fortunately – but it’s still been a struggle at times.
For many of us, even manageable health concerns have become more frequent and concerning during COVID. We’ve had to adjust our coping mechanisms and normalized high stress levels. Our mental, emotional, and physical well-being has taken a hit as we’ve absorbed an extended disruption to our systems and support models.
When things have gotten overwhelming, there usually becomes a point where I shut down. It’s happened a few times during COVID. Healthy coping goes out the door and I feel like quitting.
For me, when I get to that place of giving up, it feels like giving in to a victim mentality. Even saying that to myself tends to get me stirred up and moving. Yet we are all victims to some degree of our circumstances. Whether that’s COVID, genetic influences, or a work reorganization.
We can start out the victim and do our best to be the victor in the situation we find ourselves.
Over the years, I have found myself struggling to flip from a victim to victor mindset numerous times. It can be difficult to get out of that dark place, and each time looks a little bit different. Yet there are five steps that tend to repeat. That keep me going, pushing aside any feeling of being helpless or hopeless in the face of difficult circumstance.
1. What is the destination on my current path?
We are presented with choices every day. The choices we make are either moving us towards where we want to be, or away from it. If I find myself going down a road that may not be the healthiest option, I’ll stop and consider what’s at the end of the current road.
In the case of my health, I have models of multiple futures. Some of my family has stayed active and are competitive athletes in their 60’s and 70’s. Others are struggling with mobility at the same ages.
Often, our choices may not be that obvious. Yet considering what our life, health, or career might look like a month or a year down the road is beneficial to determining whether current actions are helping us get to where we want to go.
2. What is the new destination I want?
If the current path isn’t going somewhere positive, we can consider an alternative. What new future do we want to create?
As I’ve had health challenges in the last year, I’ve engaged my doctor(s) to determine my options. I could quickly see the current path wasn’t going to work and had to consider other destinations as potential futures.
Committing to a new future offers a roadmap for decision-making. At the same time, we have to be careful operating from a place of fear. When we allow fear to guide us, it often backs us into the very thing we want to avoid. Such as additional stress that can compound health concerns.
What is a positive outcome we can pursue, rather than just avoiding a negative one? Fear and avoidance can be very effective motivators. Yet when we have a positive outcome we want, rather than a negative one to prevent, we can amplify our efforts and be more successful as a result.
3. What is ONE THING I can focus on to begin heading in that direction?
Now we have a new path to pursue. Woot! But that journey might seem insurmountable from where we are now. If we think there is a great distance from where we are to where we are going, we might get discouraged and quit.
Instead, we can focus on just one step. One thing that can move us forward towards the new direction we want to pursue. That one step doesn’t have to be big. It might be a conversation with a supportive friend. One walk. A few lines in a journal.
One small step is often what we need to take another. And another.
4. What tools and support do I need?
We’re taking our first step. That creates energy to take another. To gain momentum, we might need scaffolding to help us successfully move forward.
That scaffolding can come in many forms. Knowing ourselves is a good first step in building it.
When we know our intrinsic motivators, we can look for ways to build them into our path forward. For example, I am heavily motivated by challenges. I found virtual challenges online to keep me inspired to move my body.
There is also an opportunity to look at our network as a source of strength. If we are motivated by having an accountability partner, who might be able to fill that role?
Whether we find our support inside or out, sustainable change requires knowing where we’re going and ensuring we have support to get there.
5. Remember to give myself grace for setbacks and reward/acknowledge successes.
We know where we want to go, what we need to get there, and have support to guide us on our journey. What else do we need?
Grace.
We’re likely to stumble and even fall. No journey worth taking is smooth and risk free. There will be bumps, bruises, and times we may want to change course.
If we can remember to have grace with ourselves, we are more likely to keep going. To endure the occasional setback or challenge and push through.
And each time we do? Celebrate. Throw a damn party for every inch we claim. Every milestone, no matter how minor.
Be gracious in short-comings, and celebrate the hell out of every win. That mindset will be the fuel necessary to press forward.
Victory is ours
Knowing where we are and where we’re headed is half the battle. From there, we need to just. get. started.
Take a step. Then another. Engage support to keep going. Shout wins from the rooftops. They will be hard-earned, so keep earning them and keep shouting about it.
What other steps do you find helpful in your change journeys? When you’re facing a struggle and not sure how to move forward? I’d love to hear your ideas, so please share them in the comments.
