We’ve all heard the airline instructions. Put on your own mask before helping others.
It’s sound advice. If we pass out, we will struggle to help more than one person. If we ensure we have air, we could help many more around us.
The same is true for our decision-making capacity, mental acuity, and energy levels. If we start our day giving to others, we’ll have nothing left for ourselves. At some point, we will pass out and have to recover before we can continue.
Instead, if we pay ourselves first – in whatever currency we have to offer – it’s like depositing it in a savings account. It grows over time and is available when we really need to dig deep.
Invest in a daily routine
Our habits can be found in our daily routine. If we want to invest more in one area, we have to shift or take from another. But again, if we invest in ourselves first, we’ll have more currency to give elsewhere.
As a full-time single mom, it feels as though my daily routine shifts all the time. As my son grows and matures, his school and life needs change. Between him and work, I often feel pulled in many directions.
I was asked a question not long ago, when all the plates were spinning in my life (home, relationships, work, and health). “What can you do, that you control, that will give you a sense of stability in the midst of all this change?”
It was an awesome question. I was so busy reacting and trying to get things back into some semblance of order, that I was sacrificing all of my energy (and patience, creativity, and mental capacity) for everyone else. I stopped doing the one thing that has always been my best coping mechanism. Writing.
My morning practice
Intellectually, I know that I handle stress and change better when I write. But at the end of very long, exhausting days, I had nothing left. I wanted nothing more than trash fiction or a movie I’d already seen a hundred times. Something easy so I didn’t need to think.
The idea of adding back in writing felt like more work at first, but I reminded myself of the value I’d gain and flipped my schedule. I went to bed an hour earlier and got up an hour earlier. Now, I still get in my workout, but I invest 30-45 minutes into a daily writing practice. That movie I’d watch late at night? Now I watch during my workouts in the morning.
The early morning is my time. I invest in my physical and mental well-being before I even think about talking to another person or looking at my email. Before my son wakes up for school or work demands and meetings begin.
It has changed everything. My energy levels are higher throughout the day. I am mentally sharper later in the day for coaching conversations or brainstorming sessions at work. I am more present for my son, and I have the physical energy for us to play ball when school is out.
All because I decided to pay myself first.
Evaluate your habits
There is conflicting advice out there regarding how we should structure our day. I’m not going to suggest that I have the best way. Instead, I’ve been working on is finding out the best routine for me.
Like anything else, the scientific method is our friend. We start with the problem we are trying to solve, digging in with questions. What is an area that helps you cope? Gives you energy or improves your mental, physical, and emotional health?
Take some time to observe how the days and weeks play out. Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Do you feel fulfilled in your relationships, creative endeavors, or other priorities in your life? Are you making meaningful time for what is most important to you, or giving what’s left over?
If you don’t like the answers to those questions, it’s time to consider alternatives for adjustment.
Pay yourself first
We may not be morning people. Personally, I prefer to sleep in. However, when I looked at my habits, sleeping in meant I was paying myself first in physical wellness, but not emotional and mental.
We have to be very clear on what is most important to us. If sleep is the most important and we like being a night owl, that could be okay if it’s supporting the rest of our needs. Otherwise, we have to take a hard look at how we’re structuring our day so it’s most productive.
So we can pay ourselves first.
If it’s not working, we can start by asking ourselves “How can I invest in myself to improve my mental, physical, and emotional well-being?” It might seem like more on your plate at in the beginning, but pick one thing to adjust that allows you to show up for yourself first.
After some time to get familiar with the new routine, reflect on how it’s going. Is the change providing the value expected? If it isn’t working, why not? Consider an adjustment and try again. If it is working, then identify another potential opportunity to move towards a routine that will best support your life needs.
Building our bank account
We have to make decisions throughout the day as to where we will focus our time and energy. Trade-offs between where we want to spend our time, and where we need to.
This is why it’s so important to pay ourselves first. There are endless demands coming our way from all the roles we play in the lives of others: leader, worker, friend, parent, child, neighbor. What about the role we play for ourselves? Shouldn’t “self” be on the list and a priority as well?
Consider our energy to be a finite – yet investable – resource like our finances and watch it multiply. Investing in ourselves early in the day or week energizes us. That energy creates more for everything else pulling at our attention and time.
The demands will keep coming. If we attend to everyone else and forget to put “self” on the list, it’s a fast path to burnout.
Paying ourselves first isn’t selfish. It’s a good investment.
