Over the summer, a woman I’ve been mentoring was looking for a new role. She was in the enviable position of having two offers and wasn’t sure which one to pick.
There were clear pros and cons. She evaluated tangible aspects of the offer, and considered intangibles like culture and fit.
At the end, she still wasn’t sure which way to go. They each involved tradeoffs. Different opportunities and challenges.
We discussed the ramifications of a “bad choice” and any potential long-term impacts. She’s early in her career, so it really looked like a crap shoot. She could go either way.
It was ultimately her decision, but I left her with one final piece of advice.
There are no bad jobs, just learning experiences
Find the learning
I’ve worked in hostile environments. With challenging teams. In places where I felt out of step. I’ve learned as much or more in those spaces as I have teams with a wonderful manager, supportive peers, and environment where I felt I could thrive.
In one, I might learn grit, empathy, humility, and tenacity. In the other, confidence and EQ.
Which one is better? While we’d all love to have positive and supportive environments all the time, it’s not realistic. The longer it takes to be exposed to challenges, the harder it will be to face and overcome them.
Jump into the unknown
No matter how much we research and evaluate, it’s not possible to know everything we may want to know about a company, team, or culture. We have to embrace the unknown going into anything new.
We won’t really know what things are like until we get there. What is true for one person, may not be experienced the same for another. The experiences of day 1 might not be the same as day 1000.
If we try to avoid bad experiences, we preclude the learning and growth that can come from them. At the same time, if the same bad patterns emerge regularly, maybe there’s a challenge we are meant to tackle and overcome.
Over time, we can improve our ability to recognize patterns and avoid anything too unhealthy. If we end up somewhere that’s a bad fit, there may still be something to learn there.
When to dig in, and when to pivot
Not much later, my mentee reached out to say the concerns she anticipated were worse than she suspected. She was already looking elsewhere.
I was so impressed by how she established boundaries, advocated for herself, and took action. There was some good that came out of the opportunity, including her ability to recognize that early red flags in the interview process are likely even worse as an employee.
When she made the selection originally, I shared “you’re either going to learn, or you’ll grow.” We debriefed about what she learned, so she can take it into the next stage of her career.
It may take a few weeks or months, sometimes years to get to the point where we decide to pivot. Whenever that time, it’s worth reflecting back on what was learned to (hopefully) prevent learning it again.
The growth in stormy seas
We don’t end up in the places we land as punishment. They are for growth. Either to push us to our next level of ability, or to give us something that we need for the next stage of our journey.
Challenging times prove what we are made of and build our strength. Easy times don’t help us grow. They just help us coast.
The occasional stormy sea teaches us the kind of captain we can be.
