This year is coming to a close. Thank goodness. I don’t know about anyone else, but 2020 has been one for the books. A book I look forward to finishing and starting anew in 2021.
Over the last 9+ months, there have been a lot of ups and downs. What my friends and I have called the COVID wave. Peaks when we feel like we’re handling things okay. Valleys when we are clearly not.
Looking back, my peaks and valleys have had a commonality. My role as mom.
Keeping it together
I’m sure most of us, those with and without children, have a reason to keep it together on a day-to-day basis. Generally, my day job helps with that. Making sure I get up, show up, and deliver so I can keep said job, the roof over our heads, etc.
What I didn’t realize until I had my first big crash, was how much effort that was taking.
We all have multiple roles. In my case, I was trying to keep it together for myself, my team, my son, and various family members. Be the voice of reason and hope. Keep bills paid, school on track (holy hell that’s a full time job in itself right now), pantry full, deadlines met, customers happy…it was endless.
But it kept me busy and focused. Until my son left over the summer.
Time and space to process
Anyone else take a break during COVID? A staycation or something where you took off one of your many hats?
Suddenly, I didn’t have to be “on” as a mom 24/7. And it all came crashing down.
For days, I was immobile. The workouts stopped. Eating habits shifted. Sleep disrupted. I was able to focus on work, and had no energy left for anything else.
All of the stress, uncertainty, and chaos that I had pushed off for months hit me all at once. I suddenly had the time and space to process what was going on. And it took me quite a while to get back into a healthy rhythm.
At least until the next disruption happened. Then it was back into the valley of the wave.
Preparing for the waves
Having experienced a few waves now, I was looking ahead to the holidays with some reservation.
This year, my son and I celebrated Thanksmas together. He is in NH for Christmas and New Years. A little over three weeks in solitude.
Weeks of time by myself, with a lighter workload than normal due to all the time off everyone takes? I was originally worried. Anticipating another crash.
I decided that wasn’t healthy, so instead I decided to shift my mindset. To see it as an opportunity to end the year on a positive note. To rest up, identify a few small projects around the house to keep me busy or look into a few online classes. I started to consider ways to work through whatever may have been building up over the last few months.
A happy holiday in solitude
While I don’t love the idea of Christmas without my son, this year I’m thankful for it.
COVID means I can’t go visit my parents or have the same distractions I might have had during other years. I will have the time and space to sit with all the thoughts and feelings that I may have been ignoring.
That no longer makes me anxious. Instead, it gives me purpose. It is time to process and put 2020 to bed. To consider what I’ve learned, be grateful for what I have, and let go of anything that no longer serves me.
I have no idea what 2021 will look like, but I can face it as its own set of challenges. I can do my best not carry anything from 2020 forward with me.
No matter how you experience the holidays this year, I hope you have the opportunity to acknowledge and close out 2020. It has not been an easy year for anyone, and it has been tougher for some than others.
While many of us may be alone this holiday, we are together in navigating this tumultuous time. I wish you peace of mind and joy of heart.
Happy holidays.
