This week, I got news at work that shook me a bit. It wasn’t totally surprising, but it is disruptive. Another change on top of so many others that have happened in 2020. More change fatigue when we are already exhausted from it.
It seems as though we are all going through a series of stacked changes. Endless adjustments, with very little staying the same that we can use as an anchor.
The result feels like a shifting tide with no horizon. Like endless chaos that’s a struggle to navigate.
As an individual, we can feel like we’re bobbing along, pulled this way and that. But what happens when we link arms with our neighbor? With our friends and colleagues?
Together, our relationships can be the stability we struggle to create alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Right now, I’d say it takes a village to navigate all that 2020 is throwing at us.
1. See a need
The first step to helping others is to see them. Really see them.
It’s easy to get caught up in our own challenges. Our struggles are likely pulling our attention to self or those in our immediate circle. Yet there are so many struggling around us.
It’s time to be observant and be other-focused.
If we allow ourselves to get sucked into our own pain, frustrations, and challenges, it can bring a sense of isolation and loneliness. Yet we are not alone…we are never the only ones. Everyone is experiencing some form of struggle right now.
There is likely someone else in our periphery is or has felt or experienced something similar. Or maybe they are on the other side of our current challenge or we are on the other side of theirs.
We will only know if we look.
Inviting needs to be shared
One way to invite others to share needs with us is to make sure we’re being open about our own. If we’ve been telling everyone we’re fine, likely that’s the response we get in return.
Vulnerability begets vulnerability. A willingness to admit our own feelings creates space for others to show theirs.
When the great pause began, I stopped telling people I was fine. Because I wasn’t. Some days I can find joy and gratitude. Others kind of suck. I pause, reflect honestly, and then let the person know where I’m at that day.
The response has been deeper conversations. A more honest dialogue, and clarity about where friends, colleagues, and my team may be struggling. As a leader, if I model surface level answers, my team will too.
2. Share our gifts
Once we are aware of a need, we have the opportunity to help by sharing our gifts.
We all have so much to offer the world. Unfortunately, particularly with social media, we may be comparing and measuring ourselves to others.
Unfortunately, I think that need to compare tells us that our gift isn’t as valuable as someone else’s. Yet if we can provide something that addresses a need for someone else, it doesn’t have to be “equal” to have profound value.
Our gifts are rarely financial. Though we may be fortunate enough to offer financial assistance to someone in need, there are so many more ways to give. And often, those gifts have a bigger impact.
Gifts can be tangible or intangible, coming from our home or our hearts.
- Space, such as a room or yard to host a gathering
- Time to lend a hand, listen, or watch a child
- Perspective from professional or personal experience
- Connection to someone else, for their perspective or a job opportunity
- A home-cooked meal or groceries
- A ride to an appointment
- A book or recommendation
- Clothing that no longer fits
The value in unexpected gifts
In the last few weeks, I’ve had conversations with several women who thanked me for my advice and support. They said they only wished they had a way to give in return.
I was a bit surprised they didn’t know. That they didn’t realize the giving was mutual. So I shared exactly what they had given me in return.
In one case, another single mom offered her home to our boys for virtual learning. It creates one day a week where I can work without distraction, and not feel like I have to be “on.” For an introvert like me, who’s a full time single mom, time to recharge is priceless.
In another, a woman shared her experience about learning how to have grace with her younger self. I struggle with self-judgment, and her words were like a balm. She reminded me that I can only hold myself to what I know today, and attempt to be better tomorrow. Grace is a gift I have rarely afforded myself.
These are two examples of many where others have seen and appreciated a gift I’ve offered, but been unaware of or diminished their own gifts. They each saw what they were offering as “unequal” and that they should do more.
In both cases, they gave what they were able, but perceived a debt. We have an opportunity to see value in unique gifts, because our “small gesture” has the potential for huge impact.
3. Create community
By seeing needs and helping each other, by valuing the gifts each of us can bring to the table, we create community.
When we are looking for opportunities and giving what we can when we can, we are pulling others into our circle to link arms. We are building and strengthening our relationships. Creating stability in a turbulent sea.
We may be home and physically isolated. Creating pods. Boundaries for protecting our health and that of our loved ones.
These images all create the mentality of walls and borders. Of isolation. Yet we need the village to get through the chaos. It is community that can bring and hold us together, even if it’s virtually.
While we are doing our best to isolate physically, let’s make sure we’re still seeing and sharing in whatever way we can. Through connection and community, we bring more light and love to our world, which will help build resilience and get through the difficulties we are all experiencing.
One Response
So timely! Thank you!