The unusual birthday wish that became a call to action

If you can’t tell from my writings over the last 6 weeks or so, I’m fired up.  I have a lot of energy for the things I’m passionate about, and right now all that passion has a single-minded focus.  Helping women.

This energy and passion came about through three seemingly unrelated events.  

• A book club recommendation – “Invisible Women” by Caroline Criado-Perez.  
• An event for International Women’s day, when the NC Department of Health and Human Services shared recent studies about women in our state.  
• A global pandemic and information coming out of Europe regarding the increase in domestic violence, particularly as shelter-in-place orders went on.

Hearing that 1 in 3 NC women are at risk of partner violence shocked me.  Since then, I’ve done more research.  The same is true of the entire US.  Some states are better, many are worse.  Now that most states have issued shelter-in-place orders, that number is likely higher.

Bringing the statistics home

As a leader, I feel a profound responsibility for my people and others I may indirectly serve in the company.  I did the math.  We have a high percentage of women in our company…at least 75% or 3,000 women.  

While I hope it is not true, the odds are high that 1,000 or more women are at risk.  I can’t allow hope to keep me from acting.  Hope doesn’t keep anyone safe or get them the help they need.

Armored with the knowledge I now had, and a lot of energy and passion around helping, I reached out to our HR department.  I was told we have EAP (employee assistance program) and the Domestic Violence Hotline as services we can offer our people.  They are both phone calls.

Imagine for a moment you are living with an abuser.  And there’s a shelter-in-place order.  How do you make a call when you are being monitored and can’t leave the house?

I proposed this dilemma and was given the same solutions.  With the encouragement to reach out to our EAP provider for more options.

EAP programs are not enough

When I called EAP, I got the same information.  Told to share the same phone numbers with my team.  So I asked the women on the other end of the phone to imagine herself as that same woman.  Could you make a call?

She finally understood and committed to doing additional research.   A few days later, she returned with the same numbers, but also a text option.  Hallelujah.  Something discrete to put women in contact with an advocate that can help.

I started asking around and no one I talked to was familiar with the text option.  We had all heard of the hotline, but not the ability to text.

I have since reached back out to my HR department, who was also unaware of the text option.  They are looking into how to spread the word internally and considering how we might provide women the ability to discretely signal that they need support so we can point them to these options.  Pulling in our women’s employee resource groups will help with generating ideas and creating awareness.

That EAP provider will also receive a call back.  I’d like to understand how they are sharing this information with other companies.  It should not have taken days of research for them to find this resource.  What training are they providing their counselors?  I intend to find out.

A call to action

Yesterday was my birthday.  When I was considering how to celebrate, I kept coming back to the idea of doing something good.  

This passion and energy I have to create awareness and help women can be channeled, but the reality is none of us can make a difference alone.  Together we can move mountains.

If you are willing, I’d like your help.  Please consider sharing this image on your social media.  If each of us share it, and reach even one woman that needs help creating a safety and exit plan, that’s a lot of women getting the resources they need.  

I’d ask leaders to maybe go a step further. Consider asking your HR department for what guidance or assistance is available.  If it’s just an EAP or hotline number, maybe share this information with them as well. 

I do not believe sharing a phone number on a website or having an EAP program absolves us of the responsibility to look out for our people.  Training and awareness for employees and leaders make a difference. 

There are things you do and don’t say to someone in an abusive relationship.  We should all know the signs, and how best to engage in that conversation.  In over 20 years of working in leadership, I’ve never received that kind of training.  The more I learn, the more work I realize we have to do.

Now is the time

Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time, and too often can result in injury or death.  Whether we realize it or not, we all have friends, co-workers, and neighbors who are suffering behind closed doors right now.  The statistics are just too high to ignore or hope that’s not true.

Please join me in creating awareness that there’s a discrete option available for women to get help.