Ah, the season of giving. We’re in the home stretch of last minute shopping, long lines, and coming up with what we hope are thoughtful gifts.
While we look to find that perfect something for those closest to us, we have opportunities to give every day. I’d suggest that the women of our circles need just that.
Working women take care of those around us while balancing our careers. Maybe we take good care of ourselves too. Unfortunately, we often forget self-care, or assume it’s selfish. Putting ourselves behind all the others we attend to.
We take care of children, parents, partners, and more. Who’s looking out for us if we aren’t?
I am certain there are women who have caring and helpful partners. And that is absolutely wonderful. Yet no one knows the struggle like our circle.
The circle is our girlfriends. The women we are fortunate enough to surround ourselves with. Who we turn to in our time of need, or to share a win. Even if it’s just getting the kid on the bus successfully Monday morning without losing our cool.
This holiday, I’d like to suggest a few ways we can help the women in our circles that goes beyond a candle or bottle of wine. Something we can do all year long.
Check In. Really.
Do you have girlfriends you don’t talk to very often, but when you do connect it’s like no time has passed? Me too. Life can take over, so when I have a minute to breathe, it’s wonderful to connect with one of them.
If you haven’t heard from one of your girlfriends in a while, check in with her. Ask how her day or week is going. This moment might not be the best moment for an honest answer. Offer time for a call or coffee when it is, and you can really listen.
Brunch may sound cliché, but there’s something about mimosas and laughter that heals the soul. Create the space for sharing how things are really going.
It’s easy to say “fine” when asked how we’re doing. It’s a polite response that demands no action or time. Saying fine, and letting it pass, does a disservice to the relationship.
We are juggling all sorts of things between aging parents, children, work challenges, and partner struggles. That’s before the stress of not working out, fluctuating hormones, eating poorly, and the non-stop worry that we’re failing at some or all of what we’re trying to balance.
So, take a moment and check in on your girlfriends. We are not fine.
Support Her Interests.
There is something very special about supporting the interests of a friend. Whether it’s a hobby, career, volunteer activity. It doesn’t really matter what it is, just that it matters to her.
I have a girlfriend who is regularly on the road with speaking engagements. When we do keep in touch, it is mostly via text or the occasional phone call.
Recently, she was going to be in a televised competition. I thought that was so cool and offered to go, but was on the other side of the country. Instead, I stayed up to watch the live stream, and then we talked about it over lunch when she got back.
I know how much I appreciated when my friends cheered me on at races or came to a class I taught. Support of our interests warms us and reminds us that who we are and what we do matters.
Whether it’s a text to ask how the party she planned went, or the big presentation at work, show an interest and let her know someone is thinking about her.
Straighten her crown.
As women, we are hard on ourselves. We often hold ourselves to a level of perfectionism. And it’s not surprising.
Social media tells us we have to be model thin, made up, or have an “insta” family. Studies show that women have to work twice as hard for fewer opportunities and less pay. It’s an unrealistic formula that feeds overwhelm and frustration.
Sometimes we could use a little help keeping it all together.
I was recently at a social event, which is something I generally struggle with anyway. I put a smile on my face and was about to walk in. One of the coordinators, a woman, gently pulled me aside to tell me I had lipstick on my teeth.
That would have been embarrassing. She said “we’ve got to look out for each other.” I was already a little nervous and her genuine smile gave me a boost going in.
For our girlfriends, that little boost can come in many forms. Maybe it’s offering to watch the kids so she can take a moment to get her breath back. Maybe it’s a bottle of wine and a vent session. It could be as simple has a hug and whispering “you’ve got this.”
Girl, find time for the circle.
There are endless ways to show appreciation to our circle. Want more?
- Start with telling her thank you for being your friend, over whatever years and distance. Better yet, send a hand-written note.
- Let her know you see her. Tell her you love her AND her quirks. Recognize the things that are different from you that you admire.
- Trying to get healthy while balancing all the things? Work out together or take a walk. Help each other reach your goals.
- Go shopping together. It could be Target for paper products (helping each other with the willpower to resist non-essentials), the grocery store, or for kids clothes. What matters is prioritizing friend time with other demands.
- Both busy working moms? Do something together with the kids where they can go nuts and you two can find some quiet.
Yes, we are often overwhelmed. We rarely have time to take a breath, let alone commit more time we don’t have.
I have changed my life over the last two and a half years. I divorced, changed jobs, moved three times, and basically completely started over.
It wasn’t easy. Not for a second. But do you know the one thing I had that made all the difference? An amazing circle of women.
Women are strong, resilient, powerful creatures. If you are fortunate enough to have even one good female friend, do your part to support her. You never know when you’ll need her support in return.
Do you have other ideas of how to support the women in your circle? I’d love if you would share them in the comments.
