Spark Joy with the Kon Mari Method
Maybe you read the book or watched the Netflix series. Maybe you’ve seen posts on social media. The Kon Mari method of uncluttering your life and sparking joy is everywhere.
I got hooked on the show after a friend recommended the book. Moving 3 times in 2 years meant a LOT of purging. After watching the show, I was even more brutal in selling, donating, or throwing away anything that didn’t spark joy or have a practical and necessary purpose.
It was great for cleaning out my closet, my basement, and the kid’s room…but maybe there was a broader message and potential than just finding joy in my home?
All the Clutter
Over the last two years, my life has changed dramatically. Divorce, no matter what good intentions may go into it, involves a lot of conflicting emotions and hard decisions. Not all of them expected. Not all of them positive.
There were moments of reflection. Moments of hard truths. Such a major change was an opportunity to examine my life with a critical eye. Not just my things, but all of the mental and emotional clutter.
It was a time to decide what would continue to serve me and help me grow, and what I could set free.
Kon Mari the Mind
We all have tapes that run through our minds. Self-talk about how we think, feel, or act.
There are emotions we carry, sometimes from long ago. They may be hurt feelings, resentment, or anxiety. Negative memories or experiences taking up space in our mental attic.
Mental and emotional burdens have weight. They take up space. Similar to things we buy for our closets, we can decide what we want to give space in our minds.
I went through a few months cleaning out my mental closet. I wrote a list of names. People that I had anger, hurt or resentment towards. I prioritized the list and got to work.
In some cases, I called the individuals. I reached out to someone who I felt had done something unforgiveable many years before. It was a challenging conversation, but by the end I felt lighter and better having shared and let go of that old pain.
In other cases, I wrote letters. I wrote my #metoo letter to a man I suspect has passed. Maybe one day I’ll publish it in case he’s out there and can read it. Even if no one ever reads it, my heart felt lighter after it was written.
I didn’t realize the weight I was carrying around until I started to let it go.
Kon Mari Social Media
If we are on social media, we have non-stop feeds in our faces every day. Sometimes the content is positive and uplifting. Other times, not so much.
Our lives change. Our needs change. What we surround ourselves with should change as well. That includes the subtle and not-so-subtle influences of social media.
A year ago, I had a moment of absolute clarity about what I needed in my life. I was going through a rough patch and started examining the interactions I was having on a daily basis, primarily through social media. I began to purge.
I was following a staggering number of Instagram accounts. I looked at each one and asked myself a few questions. Is this person important to me? Is the content positive? Does it make me feel happy? Empowered and strong? Was it useful in some way to help me learn and grow?
In an hour I deleted 350 accounts. I don’t miss any of them. I still follow #puppies, because they make me smile. In the advice of Marie Kondo, I only kept social media that sparks joy.
Kon Mari Relationships
Once I was done with Instagram, I moved on to Facebook. This was a little harder. These are all people that I would have considered friends at one point or another. Some closer than others, but still real people and real relationships.
I took a hard look anyway.
Brutal honesty helped me realize my definition of friendship had changed. I asked myself, who’s with me in this new life?
An hour later, I had gutted my account. Those people that I wanted to share my experiences and emotions with – a view into my personal life – they stayed. Those I care about. Those that care about me and mine.
That account now reflects my real life. The people I keep close. Family and friends in far off places that I want to remain in touch with. The 70 I removed? They were gone IRL too.
Not everyone in our circle makes every journey with us. As I went from single to married, married to motherhood, and ultimately single motherhood, relationships shifted. Some of us drifted apart. Some of us grew closer.
The Last Step – Gratitude and Letting Go
I have no doubt that some of the relationships I let go of will be rediscovered in time. There are old tapes that might start running again in my head. For now, I’m doing my best to be protective of my time, my emotional well-being, and my energy.
If someone or something doesn’t spark joy, help me grow, or serve me in this life journey, I’m going to do my best to follow Marie Kondo’s advice…Thank them for the role they’ve played in my life to this point and let them go.
Have you taken inventory, of your mental closet, social media or relationships, and chosen to let some of them go? I’d love if you would share your experience in the comments.
