I lost my job not long ago. I knew it was coming…organizational changes signaled the change pretty far in advance. Fortunately, I quickly found a new opportunity that I’m really excited about and can’t wait to begin. In the interim, however, there were some struggles I had to work through. The biggest? Overcoming my aversion to networking.
I’ve generally seen networking as the ultimate hell. While I no longer call myself socially awkward, the idea of growing and/or activating my network to assist on the job hunt just felt wrong. Opportunistic was the kindest word I could think of.
The thing I most want to avoid is usually that which I most need to work on. This was no exception. Growth doesn’t come in our comfort zones.
In my line of work, submitting resumes on a website and hoping I’d make it through an ATS (applicant tracking system) just wasn’t going to cut it. From prior experience, I knew that could take a year or more. I needed to get in front of people and, historically, networking has been my kryptonite.
Well, it was time to put that mindset to rest. But how to begin?
A shared challenge
For my second summer in the Triangle NC area, I was approached to participate in Duke’s summer mentor program. We are partnered with rising Juniors and Seniors; women in STEM majors interning at various tech companies.
I love to help others, and have a passion for addressing the pipeline issue we have in tech. With at least a few weeks or months ahead without a job, I jumped on the opportunity to mentor again.
In our first session, my mentee and I were discussing her first few weeks on the job. With little time to determine whether this is a field/role she wants to pursue, she wanted to connect with others at the company. However, she’s fully virtual and was apprehensive about reaching out.
I asked her a few questions to root out the discomfort, and it basically came down to networking. She didn’t feel comfortable asking for help from people she didn’t know.
Following our own advice
During the conversation, I asked my mentee what she would do if she was approached by a new freshman that wanted to learn more about her major. She said she’d be happy to help and that it would feel good to guide someone else on their journey.
In this case, her new co-workers were the Seniors and she was the Freshman. She realized that they would likely love to share insights about the company and their roles to help her decide her next steps.
As we worked through a plan of how she could confidently engage new people, I shared that I also struggle with networking and had to follow my own advice. For years, I’ve been someone who happily delivers for and/or helps others. Yet the idea of asking for help feels like I’m being opportunistic or selfish.
This was a reminder that the people in my network would likely love to help. Maybe because I’ve helped them in the past. But maybe because helping others feels good, and couldn’t we all use a little of that right now?
Learn to teach, and teach to learn
It’s pretty common knowledge that to teach a topic, we have to learn it first. But there’s a flip side to that. When we teach a topic, it forces us to learn more. To go deeper. If we really want to learn something well, we should try teaching it.
I tell folks regularly that I wouldn’t have the ability to help others if I hadn’t struggled myself. Yet, in helping others, it often provides me the ability to reframe those opportunities.
By walking through my mentee’s challenge, and seeing her a-ha moment, it provided my own. It was so clear to me that she could ask for help and it wouldn’t only be welcomed, but encouraged. Why couldn’t I see my own struggle so clearly?
Because it was mine. For whatever reason, we often think our personal situations are different. “Sure, that advice would work for someone else, but not for me.”
It was only once I was guiding someone else through the same struggle that I realized I had to choose. Would I want her to do what I was doing, or what would be best for her?
It was time to practice what I teach.
Jump off the cliff
I wrote a few weeks ago about the comfort cliff. There was no time like the present to put the teaching into practice and jump off the proverbial cliff.
Following that conversation, I pushed myself through the discomfort of asking for help. Most of the time, it turned out to be easier than I thought. Just by sharing my situation, and what I was considering, others freely gave their ideas, suggestions, and connections.
Recently, a new connection told me what a great networker I am. Then a close friend said that I had become a social butterfly. If I wasn’t sitting during those conversations, I might have fallen to the floor.
Being a teacher, and helping guide someone else through a shared challenge, unlocked my mindset and prompted me to take action. One step gave me confidence to take another. The thing I have resisted – and dare I say feared – all this time, no longer feels so out of reach.
Is there something you’ve been struggling to conquer? Consider helping someone else through a similar challenge. Because when we teach, we can also grow as learners.
